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In the last chapter we learned that anxiety is normative and can be helpful at moderate levels. This moderate, adaptive level of anxiety can help you spiritually. It can motivate you to more conscientiously study doctrines of your religious faith, invite the Holy Spirit into your heart, seek answers to your questions, or pursue additional calming and soothing in your life. At a low or moderate anxiety level, it may be very easy to discern God’s presence and influence.

If anxiety gets too high, however, it can take over your life. This may cause your spiritual sensitivities to go offline. High anxiety can cause spiritual impairment, just as it can cause impairment in a presentation or cause you to choke on an exam.

When your anxiety is poorly regulated—or out of control—it tends to be difficult to discern the Spirit’s promptings. President Boyd K. Packer said, “Our physical body is the instrument of our spirit. It houses delicate physical senses which have to do with spiritual communication.”[1] Anxiety disrupts that delicate physical balance. Our brain releases stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol that create physiological responses that can block sensitivity to the Spirit. In a near chronic state of anxiety you may experience spiritual numbness, confusion, or stupor.

Anxiety and the Spirit Tend to Communicate Differently

The Spirit is the Spirit of Truth and communicates goodness and light. The Apostle Paul wrote, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.”[2] These spiritual feelings contribute to an overall sense of “goodness and righteousness and truth.”[3] He also wrote in his second epistle to Timothy, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”[4]

The Spirit tends to communicate in nuanced ways. The scriptures refer to the Spirit as the “still small voice.”[5] In the Book of Mormon we read, “And it came to pass when they heard this voice [from heaven], and beheld that it was not a voice of thunder, neither was it a voice of a great tumultuous noise, but behold, it was a still voice of perfect mildness, as if it had been a whisper, and it did pierce even to the very soul.”[6] And “they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven; . . . it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and notwithstanding it being a small voice it did pierce them that did hear to the center.”[7] The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that the Spirit reveals itself “generally without noise or tumult.”[8] More recently, Elder David A. Bednar taught, “The Spirit of the Lord usually communicates with us in ways that are quiet, delicate, and subtle.”[9] And Elder Dale G. Renlund taught: “The scriptures teach that the voice of the Holy Ghost is mild and still, like a whisper—not loud or noisy; it is simple, quiet, and plain; it can be piercing and burning; it affects both mind and heart; it brings peace, joy, and hope—not fear, anxiety, and worry; it invites us to do good—not evil; and it is enlightening and delicious—not mystifying.”[10]

Some Latter-day Saint church leaders have described communication from the Spirit as a whisper. It is reported that several years after he died, the Prophet Joseph Smith appeared as a spirit to then-President of the Church Brigham Young, saying, “Tell the people to be humble and faithful, and be sure to keep the Spirit of the Lord and it will lead them right. . . . They can tell the Spirit of the Lord from all other spirits; it will whisper peace and joy to their souls; it will take malice, hatred, strife, and all evil from their hearts; and their whole desire will be to do good, bring forth righteousness and build up the kingdom of God.”[11] President Boyd K. Packer taught, “The Spirit does not get our attention by shouting or shaking us with a heavy hand. Rather it whispers. It caresses so gently that if we are preoccupied we may not feel it at all. . . . Occasionally it will press just firmly enough for us to pay heed. But most of the time, if we do not heed the gentle feeling, the Spirit will withdraw and wait until we come seeking and listening.”[12] This is a critical point because toxic anxiety is not calm, quiet, or peaceful. It does not whisper—it is loud and tumultuous!

One client commented on his scrupulous confusion when trying to discern between anxiety and the Spirit: “I have heard voices in my head telling me what I should and shouldn’t do, and I get confused if it is the Spirit or just my head. I don’t know what God’s will is. I don’t know what God wants me to do. I don’t know what I need to do to find peace and happiness.” If you’re wondering whether your feelings are from toxic anxiety or the Spirit, here are some thoughts that may be useful to you. Clients drew on their own experiences in helping me put together table 2.1. It contrasts some general characteristics and feelings of anxiety with those of the Spirit.[13] Do any of these ideas resonate with you?

Table 2.1. Anxiety versus the spirit

The first part of the chart contrasts characteristics. As can be seen in the left column, anxiety is generally future-oriented. A person suffering from anxiety worries, “What if [this]?” or “What if [that]?” These are future-orientated worries or worries about how something in the past may affect the future. These worries tend to increase uncertainty and invite more anxiety. In contrast, the Spirit is generally present-oriented. This doesn’t mean that the Spirit won’t ever prompt you to do things to prepare for the future, but it generally prompts you for what you can do today in your present moment to better your situation—leading you “line upon line.”[15] In addition, anxiety often gets generalized to other areas of your life as the worry grows and grows. But the Spirit tends to be very specific or narrow in focus and will generally give you specific promptings on what to focus on. Anxiety often gets progressively more intense and distressing, whereas the Spirit will give you diminished discomfort upon repentance that leads to peace.

The second part of the chart contrasts feelings of anxiety and the Spirit. Toxic anxiety often assaults you with worried, unsettled, and agitated feelings. The Spirit generally gives you calm feelings. In the table this calmness is qualified with the phrase “even with feelings of dissonance.” This means that even if you are guilty of a sin that needs repentance, the Spirit may give you an uncomfortable feeling of dissonance or guilt prompting you to repent or take care of it in some way, but this prompting tends to be calm and patient rather than anxious. Additionally, if your repentance requires something such as public confession to a church leader or a private confession to someone you have harmed, you may experience some embarrassment and that can certainly cause you to be nervous. But these types of nervous feelings (mild anxiety rather than toxic anxiety) are generally not demanding and may still be accompanied by an underlying sense of calm because you know (by the Spirit) what you need to do. Elder Richard G. Scott has said, “Two indicators that a feeling or prompting comes from God are that it produces peace in your heart and a quiet, warm feeling.”[16]

Anxiety also tends to create a sense of fear, panic, and crisis, even for minor issues. In scrupulosity, when anxiety is triggered every issue is a major issue, and it may likely feel like your eternal salvation is in the balance if you don’t obey then and there! One person explained, “I know it’s OCD when I respond to it like it’s the most important thing in my life.”[17] Yet, when you’re experiencing a true prompting from the Spirit, you may have an urge to act or to repent, but it will generally be with a sense of purpose and knowledge that God is patient, thus producing that sense of calm we discussed earlier.

Another feeling of anxiety is compulsivity.[18] Because everything is a crisis in toxic anxiety, you may feel like it has to be done right now and that you better do it right now or you’re going to go to hell. One person referred to the anxiety as “do-or-die pressure.”[19] Another said, “I know it’s OCD when I feel great urgency. I have to do something right now, because waiting could cause immense harm.”[20] Behaviors are done out of fear, and you generally find the behaviors distressing. But the Spirit generally does not prompt us in these ways. The Spirit respects our agency and allows us to be thoughtful, giving us emotional space to ponder. Joseph Smith said, “The things of God are of deep import; and time, and experience, and careful and ponderous and solemn thoughts can only find them out.”[21] One man with scrupulosity eventually learned this lesson. He said that his anxiety would often get triggered if he didn’t immediately follow what he thought was a strong prompting. He felt that he had to do things right then, and that if he didn’t he was going to have to deal with days of anxious thoughts and fretting because he wanted God to know of his loyalty. Over time he began to learn that the problem with the immediacy, urgency, and compulsivity of anxiety is that spiritual revelation isn’t actually that easy. He recognized that revelation takes patient work. He remembered a story that Elder Richard G. Scott shared in a general conference session of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a lesson about how he received revelation during a Sunday School class.

While in that class at church, Elder Scott received what he felt were promptings from the Spirit. Yet he didn’t just accept them at face value. In his sermon he outlined the steps he took when “strong impressions began to flow.”[22] He wrote them down. He left the class and went somewhere more private where he continued to record the impressions he was receiving. He then pondered whether he had recorded the impressions appropriately and did some needed editing. He then evaluated what these feelings meant and how they applied in his life. After praying for confirmation of what he felt he had learned, he received an answer of peace and expressed gratitude to the Lord for the teachings of the Spirit. Then he asked, “Is there yet more to be given?” He received more feelings from the Spirit and repeated the process. He again asked, “Is there more I should know?” And he did indeed receive more. Indeed, in another setting Elder Scott taught: “Profound spiritual truth cannot simply be poured from one mind and heart to another. It takes faith and diligent effort. Precious truth comes a small piece at a time through faith, with great exertion, and at times wrenching struggles. The Lord intends it be that way so that we can mature and progress.”[23]

In applying Elder Scott’s talk to his own situation, the man struggling with scrupulosity made the following observation:

This story was an important revelation to me in how best to manage my unhealthy scrupulous thoughts. First of all, getting and receiving revelation is hard work and it takes time and effort. In other words, most of the time, getting revelation isn’t that easy. This is in contrast to how easy and fast feelings of anxiety would pour into my mind surrounding a supposed revelation that I thought I was getting and needed to go and do something about right then and there.

Secondly, even when ideas or impressions come, we have the right to carefully review and ponder them, then pray if what we think we are receiving is of God, then ponder some more, and then pray some more. If it’s right, God will send peace, NOT anxiety, even before we act. This process is a 180-degree shift from the quick, fearful, anxious, and immediate feeling that surrounded my fears.

What a beautiful description of how this man used the message of a religious leader about receiving revelation to apply to his own life and problems with scrupulosity. He learned to give himself time when his anxiety flared. He would say to himself, in essence, “Okay, if you feel this way, in two days, you can act on it. If not, you know what’s going on.” Typically, after a couple of days, the anxiety was gone, and so was the issue.

Looking back to our chart, we can see that anxiety can also cause confusion. Instead of clarity that often comes from the Spirit, with toxic anxiety you may not know what to do at all. Problem solving becomes very difficult, if not impossible, and thoughts tend to spiral into destructive rumination. Yet, the Spirit gives revelation with clarity. You will generally know what you need to do, even if you might not always know why you need to do it.

Anxiety also causes debilitating guilt and condemnation over misappraisals, mistakes, or sins. In contrast, the Spirit causes godly sorrow when you have done wrong. You’ll likely have a desire to improve and the belief that it’s possible. The Spirit does not condemn or terrorize; it builds and encourages forward momentum and growth with light and truth. Lastly, toxic anxiety often causes despair, as it pressures you with the horrible feeling that “it’s all over” and you “can’t come back from it,” whereas the Spirit brings light and hope that one can be cleansed and redeemed through the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Understanding the Differences between Anxiety and the Spirit Is Critical

When I meet a new client, discussions about the differences between anxiety and the Spirit occur in early sessions. In a calm, rational moment talking with me in session, most clients can identify how they feel when their anxiety is triggered and how they feel when they know the Holy Spirit is present. But in the moment of an anxiety surge, their understanding seems to melt away. It almost never occurs to them that in their confusion and chaos, they are not receiving promptings from the Holy Spirit. One client expressed, “I get so frustrated because I seem like I can have the Spirit when I help others but when I try and help myself, I lose control and I have no idea what to do ever.”

To help ground them as we begin treatment, I have them construct their own chart like the one we have just discussed. I encourage them to use their own ideas, or they can use phrases from this chart or phrases from the charts of other clients that I share with them (with permission), if the wording resonates with them.

Here are examples of charts put together by some clients:

Table 2.2. Client example 1 of an anxiety versus the Spirit chart

Table 2.3. Client example 2 of an anxiety versus the spirit chart

Table 2.4. Client Example 3 of an anxiety versus the Spirit chart

A poignant summary of these ideas was provided by one client, a married woman in her late sixties, as she reflected on what she was learning about anxiety and the Spirit through her own therapy process: “If the Spirit is pushing you to repent, it is not accompanied by fear. But OCD brings fear, tons of it. I know it is the OCD because there is no love in it.”

Some people struggling with high anxiety and scrupulosity, however, are not able to easily articulate how they feel when anxiety is present in contrast to how they feel when the Spirit is present. Sometimes they get sensations mixed up. For them therapy becomes an exploratory process of learning to distinguish the two feelings from each other. If you resonate with this, perhaps you will be able to clarify these ideas for yourself as you work your way through this book. You may want to refer to the charts in this chapter throughout your exploration.

The benefit of clarifying the communication patterns of anxiety and the Spirit is one of grounding. If you are having an experience and are struggling to understand it, you can step back for a moment and ask yourself, “Which side of the chart am I on?” The answer to this question makes all the difference in getting the proper intervention! If you find that much of what you’re experiencing falls more often on the anxiety side of the table, you’re likely not feeling the Spirit but anxiety, and the proper intervention is not to obey but to do the exact opposite! Obeying anxiety keeps you trapped in the obsessive-compulsive cycle. Yet if you find that much of what you’re experiencing falls more often on the side of the chart representing the Holy Spirit’s communication style, then you can generally feel more confident in pursuing your promptings with your chosen personal or religious worship activities. If it is the Spirit, do it! If it is anxiety, don’t do it and do exactly the opposite!

My clients often hearken back to this grounding principle throughout therapy. One client, a single female in her late twenties, spoke of something she learned through her therapy process by referencing this concept: “I am harsh on myself. Yet I am getting very subtle ways on how to change. It is not this overwhelming harshness. [The Spirit] is very kind in his correction. Like the Spirit and anxiety chart, . . . the Spirit is kind in correction; the anxiety is harsh and expects immediate correction. God’s correction is so much more soft. Just try a little better tomorrow.”

Scrupulosity is deceptive because it’s toxic anxiety masquerading as the Spirit, so people often feel the proper thing to do is to intervene with personal or religious worship activities, such as more time fasting, serving, or worshipping at church (or temples, mosques, synagogues, etc.). But if you realize that you are on the side of the chart representing anxiety’s communication style, then instead of focusing on more religious intervention, you can choose to address the anxiety through therapeutic psychological intervention.

I invite you to take some time to review the charts presented in this chapter and put together your own chart contrasting how you tend to feel anxiety and how you tend to feel the Spirit. This is, of course, a rough draft and you can go back and edit it anytime as you continue to learn more about yourself.

Notes

[1] Packer, B. K. (1989, November). Revelation in a changing world. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1989/10/revelation-in-a-changing-world

[2] Galatians 5:22–23.

[3] Ephesians 5:9.

[4] 2 Timothy 1:7.

[5] 1 Kings 19:12.

[6] Helaman 5:30.

[7] 3 Nephi 11:3.

[8] The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (2007). Teachings of presidents of the church: Joseph Smith, 121. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/teachings-joseph-smith/chapter

[9] Bednar, D. A. (2021). The Spirit of revelation. Deseret Book, 11.

[10] Renlund, D. G. (October 2022). A framework for personal revelation, footnote 10. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2022/10/14renlund

[11] As cited in Bednar, 2021. Spirit of revelation, 2.

[12] Packer, B. K. (1983, January). The candle of the Lord. Ensign, 52. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1983/01/the-candle-of-the-lord

[13] Slightly adapted from the table in McClendon, Anxiety or the Spirit? See note 15 herein.

[14] In the first published version of this chart (see first note) my clients and I used their language impulsive to describe the urgency with which they felt they had to do things when their anxiety was triggered. This word choice failed to acknowledge that there are nuanced differences between impulsivity and compulsivity. The shift to compulsive in this chart is more accurate to describe the anxiety of scrupulosity. See for discussion Shapiro, L. J. (2020). Obsessive compulsive disorder: Elements, history, treatments, and research. Praeger, 31–33.

[15] Isaiah 28:10; 2 Nephi 28:30.

[16] Scott, R.G. (2012, April). How to obtain revelation and inspiration for your personal life. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2012/04/how-to-obtain-revelation-and-inspiration-for-your-personal-life

[17] Osborn, I. (2008). Can Christianity cure obsessive-compulsive disorder? A psychiatrist explores the role of faith in treatment. Brazos Press, 162.

[18] See details in endnote 15 above.

[19] Bell, J. (2007). Rewind, replay, repeat: A memoir of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Hazelden, 208.

[20] Osborn, I. (2008). Can Christianity cure obsessive-compulsive disorder?, 1612.

[21] The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2007. Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith, 268.

[22] Scott, R. G. (2009, October). To acquire spiritual guidance. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2009/10/to-acquire-spiritual-guidance

[23] Scott, R. G. (1993, October). Acquiring Spiritual Knowledge. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1993/10/acquiring-spiritual-knowledge.