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We begin this chapter not with the prophet but with a Pulitzer Prize winner. The prize-winning author and psychiatrist Robert Coles has observed that truly great literature is precious—not primarily because such a work entertains readers but because it issues an implicit yet irrepressible moral call to them to be better than they were before encountering the book.[1]

The Lord has issued His own call to us to diligently seek “out of the best books words of wisdom . . . , even by study and also by faith” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:118). Our prophets have taught that the scriptures stand at the head of those great books and that, in the case of the Book of Mormon, we will “get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book.”[2] This encouraging promise of power, rooted in responding to the call of seeking learning out of the best books, continues through the prophet of our day.

In his concluding October 2018 general conference address, President Russell M. Nelson said, “I promise that as you diligently work to remodel your home into a center of gospel learning, over time [1] your Sabbath days will truly be a delight. [2] Your children will be excited to learn and to live the Savior’s teachings, and [3] the influence of the adversary in your life and in your home will decrease.”[3]

In the Come, Follow Me survey, we asked Church members the question “Have any of these [prophetic promises] been fulfilled for you and your family?” We are profoundly grateful to the members of stake presidencies and councils and the hundreds of other members (in two US states) who invested time and effort in sharing information that we hope will be instructive for many members.

A few responses to our question about the fulfillment of prophetic promises were antagonistic or negative. Others acknowledged challenges with humor, such as one sister who wrote, “The most challenging part is understanding what we are reading. Especially the writings of Paul. Bless him, but he is difficult to understand sometimes!” Despite the array of real challenges among them, most of those who had not yet seen the prophetic promises fulfilled seemed to feel a genuine longing to improve gospel learning as individuals and families so that they would realize and claim the promised blessings. We now turn to many accounts that acknowledged fulfilled promises.

Prophetic Promises Fulfilled: Personal and Family Accounts

Based on reports from women and men, empty nesters and younger folks, singles and marrieds, many had seen President Nelson’s prophetic promises begin to be realized in their lives. In fact, the reports were numerous enough that we will seek to share them using the categories outlined by President Nelson in the quote at the beginning of this chapter. We first cover President Nelson’s promise about the Sabbath.

Promise 1: “Your Sabbath Days Will Truly Be a Delight”

As diverse members addressed how and whether their efforts to respond to the Come, Follow Me invitation have made their Sabbath days more of a delight, they shared the following brief but encouraging responses:

“I find it easier to keep the Sabbath.”

“Our Sabbath days have definitely been better! It has been easier to choose to follow the gospel and keep my Sabbath days holy.”

“We spend much, much more time studying the gospel and working together than before [with Come, Follow Me��.”

“The Sabbath day has become more of a delight.”

One young husband, a university student, wrote, “My wife and I still do not have children; however, our Sabbath days have been more delightful. Being consistent with Come, Follow Me has increased our knowledge. . . . We have [even] eliminated doing any activities such as homework that would detract.”

A parent with several children wrote, “The Sabbath is becoming a true day for gospel study, resting, and spending time with family. It’s not as much of a rush but really a delight. Though we are not perfect at studying throughout the week, we love being on the same study topic with our kids and having discussions with even our younger kids.” One member wrote, “I certainly don’t dread church anymore. . . . The curriculum has been [a] good [change��.”

There were some concerns voiced, however. One parent in a challenging home situation wrote, “I feel more isolated from the ward and miss the third hour. I spend enough time with my family and have heard their experiences and stories many times; I wish I could hear fresh examples and applications from people outside my family. That third hour helped me make more friends, too. Three-hour church was a ‘delight’ for me.”

A young wife without children told us, “The Sabbath day is often a delight. However, as a young married person at church, I often feel disposable and unknown. . . . I know that a lot of young married couples feel this way in our ward.”

Increased awareness of needs like those expressed above can help us to better involve and minister to our gospel sisters and brothers and to strive to better fill the hole that the change has left for some.

A parent with children serving in class and quorum presidencies reported that, yes, the prophet’s promises “were being fulfilled” and that “Sabbath days are . . . our favorite day” but also said that “we are spread out often as a family on the day due to duties, meetings, visits.” The series of meetings could make it difficult to “get a few extra moments at home to reflect.” One parent similarly wrote, as reported in an earlier chapter,

It sometimes feels like we as a church are still trying to have a “Church-centered, family-supported” approach. Especially with teenagers of both genders, there are tons of things that eat into my family’s together time, including [ward youth council], fast offerings, ward choir, etc. This, along with the admonitions to be doing more and more things (temple work, family history, missionary service, etc.), has left me feeling a bit burnt out. I feel like I am falling behind, and some days I’m not sure if I will ever be able to catch up. On my worst days, I question if I even want to try.

Vigilant and sensitive Church leaders will take notice of how meetings can be harmonized or minimized to support the family rather than compete with it. We suspect that many, if not most, members have days when burnout seems possible. Ideally, the invitation to “come, follow me” will be a strengthening resource rather than a stressful demand. Perhaps no comment captured the view of Come, Follow Me as a recharging and strengthening resource better than the following reflection from a mother who wrote,

I really treasure the Sabbath day, and I can say it is a delight in our home. As a mother with a full-time job, plus trying to cover all my responsibilities as a mother, wife, grandmother, daughter, and my calling at church, sometimes it can be overloading. But as [1] take time every day not only reading my personal scriptures but also following and study[ing] the new program Come, Follow Me with our family, . . . I [get] a recharge[0] spiritual battery.

Several leaders have commented that Come, Follow Me is intended to be a blessing, not a burden, but that ideals can be hard to reach. Encouragingly, many parents discussed the closer integration and harmony between gospel learning at home and gospel learning at church. One parent said, “During Sunday dinners, we go around the table, and each person shares something they talked about in their class. It was great to hear the different perspectives each child gained in their classes about the same scriptures.”

Another mother reported that

before the new integrated curriculum was implemented, we studied the scriptures together as a family. But now that our scripture study at home mirrors what our children are hearing in Primary, they are making . . . connections. Sometimes those are as simple as “Hey, we talked about that in our class!” and sometimes they are a little more introspective as they remember what others shared. We hear from their teachers that they are also more willing to participate in the lessons because we have reviewed the stories at home.

Continuing this thought, many members addressed home and church together. Encouraging notes regarding this integration included the following:

“I [have] loved having the same curriculum used by our children and the adults. It [has] made our family scripture study more relevant as we [are] . . . discussing the same scriptures.”

“I have never gone to church prepared to talk about the lesson or had my own spiritual thoughts, revelations, or promptings prepared to share until this new curriculum. Because of that reason, my Sabbath day observance while in church has become a delight.”

“Since beginning our study with the Come, Follow Me program, we’ve found that the centralized curriculum has helped us have more meaningful gospel discussions in our home and to be better prepared for our Sunday meetings.”

“I have seen my Sabbath days become more of a delight as I’ve come more prepared to Sunday School. I am much more able to focus in class and learn because of using Come, Follow Me during the week.”

“I teach Sunday School to fourteen- and fifteen-year-olds. I have seen thrilling things happen with those kids as we are teaching their lessons. Just yesterday in our class, one . . . boy mentioned how he had seen the video about the lesson at home with his mother and sister. He accepted the lesson as true because of seminary working on it, Sunday School working on it, and also his good mother working on it. A triple whammy!!!”

“Sabbath days seem more ‘delightful,’ especially [now] that the teacher, or yourself, [is]n’t the only one . . . prepared for enlightening discussions.”

Improvements were identified by several members as home and church gospel study efforts better aligned and mutually supported each other.

In summary, President Nelson’s first promise to those who “diligently work to remodel [their] home into a center of gospel learning” was that their “Sabbath days will truly be a delight.”[4] We anticipated that most member responses would emphasize home-based aspects of this promise, but as evidenced above, many members also experienced a beneficial harmony and synergy between home and church efforts that they greatly appreciated and viewed as blessings. We now turn to President Nelson’s second promise.

Promise 2: “Your Children Will Be Excited to Learn and to Live the Savior’s Teachings”

In a response that seemed to combine the blessings of the first and second promises, one parent wrote, “[Our] children are more engaged and excited to share what they learned in Sunday classes because of the connection to home study (and vice versa from what their leaders have shared).”

Based on members’ reports, this has been the experience for many. However, it appears that children’s level of excitement can be largely influenced by whether they are participating in a dialogic discussion (which might excite them) or being preached to (which might bore them). One parent reported, “We fight about how long church at home should be because we have three generations under the same roof, [and] 75 percent [of us have] attention deficit disorder [and] varying attention spans, and [then we have] one person who takes over every discussion and needs to share an example for every point.”

The following comments from two different parents urge all parents to preach less and listen more:

“I have seen in our family a greater desire to study the weekly Come, Follow Me agenda, and the Spirit has been stronger when we discuss the new insights we [all] have learned. I have found [that] as we let our daughters talk more about their experiences in the reading, there is more involvement on everyone’s part and better discussion.”

“My child knows his scriptures and wants to follow God and make good choices. It’s just hard for him to concentrate when [an adult] want[s] two-hour [Come, Follow Me in] lecture mode. [My child] needs visuals, questions, and interactive learning. . . . I wish someone at stake conference would say, ‘If you have young kids in your home, please make [Come, Follow Me] interactive and fun! It’s not meant to be a lecture, monologue, or drudgery!’ You can have fun while being righteous. Some adults have forgotten this.”

Many parents are improving as listeners, facilitators, and discussion leaders while surrendering the predilection for preaching. Many discussion leaders seem to be finding ways to make Come, Follow Me engaging and enjoyable. We salute them and hope you will draw some inspiration from their efforts, as we have.

Next, we have opted to offer a substantial series of members’ verbatim responses relating to President Nelson’s second promise. Reports are presented in a developmental order from families with toddlers to those with adult children.

Parents of toddlers

“We love this promise! As we have continued to study, our stubborn toddler who refused to pray has started taking turns praying. She plays going to church, sings primary songs, and shows excitement about scripture study. I’m grateful to start to see her becoming excited about the Savior’s teachings. We are going to keep trying so that that trend will continue and increase, and we await the fulfillment of all of these promises as we improve!”

“My daughter is two, and for family home evening every week, we tried to do one of the suggestions from the Come, Follow Me manual for that week’s material. I think it helped a lot with her coming to know more about who Jesus is and what He has done for all of us.”

Parents of primary-age children

“We have definitely noticed a difference in our children’s excitement to study the teachings found in the scriptures. They are generally excited to open up their scriptures and take turns reading. Our discussions are improving, and they are starting to open up more and share their own thoughts and understanding of what they read.”

“I have seen a marked difference in my young children’s excitement about the gospel. They look forward to reading either Come, Follow Me or the scriptures each night before bed and now remind us if we . . . �ڴǰ������.”

Parents of preteens

“My preteen boys now look forward to studying scriptures and the manual with me because the curriculum helps it make more sense to them. It provides order and routine. They enjoy the supplemental materials (videos, etc.) and diverse topics within each lesson. They also now put up a scripture from the lesson on a letter board in our living room that we keep on display all week.”

Parents of teens

“My seventeen-year-old daughter has always been a challenge to get to read scriptures, [but] this year she has mostly willingly read with us and even reminds us to read.”

“My teenage sons have been more interested and excited to learn what Come, Follow Me points out . . . that we didn’t notice or talk about [on our own��.”

“My children live in a world of filth and vulgarity (also known as high school)! While they try to filter it out during the day, I find they come home and are able to articulate their experiences as they relate to being children of God vs. examples of those circumstances around them. It’s more than just resisting temptation. From what I see, it is truly learning who they are in contrast with who Satan would have them believe they are. It’s a beautiful thing to watch unfold and be a part of.”

Parents of children of a variety of ages

“My family looks forward to discussions of the lesson with others. My youngest understands and appreciates the Savior more, as [I have] heard in his family and personal prayers.”

“My kids like coming together as a family and learning about the Savior. The younger ones are starting to pay more attention, and our home has Christ as [the] focal point.”

Parents of adult children

"Even though our children are grown, I think that all three [promises] are happening in our family. Even our inactive family members have been blessed, because we have received insight into how to stay close to them and help them spiritually.

On the heels of these reports of blessings being received, we remind you of some reported challenges:

“Our four teenagers are not interested . . . [and] push back a lot.”

“[I struggle with] not losing my cool when the kids act up.”

As social scientists, we have studied religious family practices for twenty-five years. As parents, we have tried to facilitate these practices in our own homes for decades. We have found that studying sacred family practices is often easier than successfully implementing them. We understand, despite the mostly optimistic and positive reports above, that family worship is a labor of love and perseverance. Even in the most successful families, a key recurring feature is a deep commitment to keep trying after failures (including epic failures). In particular, sometimes parents of teens feel that all the work they did during the earlier years is for naught, since many teens become resistant to family religious practices.

We have written to a national audience in the Atlantic about home evening and noted elements that can apply equally to Come, Follow Me:

Of course, even the most committed and family-focused Latter-day Saints struggle to make time each week for such a family devotional. Challenges to consistent practice of family home evening include busy schedules, the apathy of teenagers, and the siren call of social media and other entertainment. On the other hand, the stability the practice brings can be just what’s needed to counteract those impediments; one mother we interviewed emphasized that it is when life is “craziest” that people need the organizing, calming predictability of family ritual most.[5]

Your next significant home evening or Come, Follow Me success may well follow several or even many mediocre (or worse) attempts—but we hope that, like us, you will draw strength from the encouraging reports of our fellow members, including one who noted that, even as imperfect efforts were made, “we have felt a much stronger spirit throughout the week.” We again reference Heather Howell Kelley’s insight that the joy and benefits of family learning and worship come “not every time, but over time.”[6]

Has Come, Follow Me yielded the promised blessing that “your children will be excited to learn and to live the Savior’s teachings”? In many cases, yes. However, most families seem to include at least one child who is not fully responsive to this invitation. Even in that context, however, we can each strive to honor agency, live with charity, and hope and pray for miracles yet to come. We now consider President Nelson’s third promised blessing.

Promise 3: “The influence of the adversary in your life and in your home will decrease”

Among the members who reported on the prophet’s promised blessings associated with “diligently work[ing] to remodel your home into a center of gospel learning,” the responses to the third promise were the most mixed and complex. Perhaps this is because the promise states that the influence of the adversary will decrease, not that the influence of the adversary will cease.

In connection with the second promise, one mother reported, “My children live in a world of filth and vulgarity (also known as high school)!” We all confront facets of that world of filth and vulgarity—and that world does not disappear when we do Come, Follow Me. One parent wrote that in connection with the first promise, “Sundays have improved.” With the second promise, yes, the parent’s “kids get excited for ‘third hour’ [at home��.” However, the same parent concluded, “[We are] still waiting for the third promise to kick in.”

Indeed, the adversary is an impossibly difficult opponent to permanently shake. No group seemed more attuned to or concerned with this reality than the parents of teens. One parent wrote, “Where I am entering a stage in life where my kids are turning into teens, I’ll take whatever I can get as far as protection from the adversary.” One young parent not currently faced with parenting during the teen years was forward-looking enough that it occupied her thoughts in the present. She explained:

Although I feel the adversary is working harder and harder to discourage the Lord’s faithful people, I know for my family there has been something different about our home. I feel a greater sense of duty to teach my family so [deeply] that all else is a supplement. We have received blessings as a family currently, and I feel (and am counting on) more blessings on hold for a future day when my children will need them to combat Satan and his efforts. I am confident the learning that’s taking place here in our home now will help build a strong foundation for my children when they will need it most later.

“Later” may well be the postteen, emerging adulthood years. Parents can draw some encouragement from the example of Alma the Younger (see Alma 36). The practices and prayers of Alma’s father came to fruition later in Alma’s life when Alma finally remembered his father sharing teachings about the Savior Jesus Christ. Similarly, Enos needed time to fully process and act on his father’s teachings about seeking the Lord (see Enos 1).

However, many have learned that no amount of parental diligence can override a teen’s, an emerging adult’s, or a later adult’s God-given agency to choose otherwise. As we have reported,

[Hopefully we can find] the sweet spot where parents share their beloved faith through conversation, not preaching, and through authentic modeling and lived example, not coercion. . . .

The irony is that, like any gift, the gift of faith is not always accepted and treasured. We have much to learn in how to offer, receive and reject in ways that are relationally gracious.[7]

It seems that if we are to see the influence of the adversary decrease, it is not enough to teach the Lord’s doctrine. We must also strive to teach His doctrine in the manner and spirit that He taught it—namely, through word and example, with profound love, with a listening ear, and with respect, even for those who may choose to reject His infinite gift.

When we asked members about the promise that the influence of the adversary in their life and home would decrease, several shifted to a comparative mode in which they contrasted times of success with times of missing home worship and study. One parent wrote, “For our family and myself, the lack of the Spirit and the greater influence of the adversary is always [a] stunning contrast and result of the lack of consistency and diligence in obeying the prophet’s counsel.” Framed differently, when the prophet’s advice has not been heeded, the influence of the Spirit decreases while the influence of the adversary increases. For this parent, the contrast was “stunning.”

Vocalizing a similar study in contrasts, another parent wrote, “There is a stark difference when my husband and I don’t utilize Come, Follow Me during the week. We feel less safe. . . . [We feel] more stressful influence from the outside world. Less love of God.”

A third witness of contrast between the no-effort and higher-effort approach to following the prophet was offered as follows: “I believe any promise that a prophet makes is fulfilled if you keep [your] end of the bargain. My family has not been perfect with using this new curriculum. There is still much we could improve on. However, whenever we do it, we are closer as a family, we are happier, and our spiritual resolve increases.”

One member reported that while there were no discernible dramatic changes, “[as] I [do] my own individual reading . . . I do find more worldly media to be offensive and don’t have the desire to experience that worldly media.”

A parent of teens similarly addressed decreased social media influence as a benefit of personal and family worship: “Being able to spend time discussing doctrine has helped fight a lot of the noise that social media is pressing on our older children.”

A wife with an empty nest noted decreased arguments with her husband and other improvements. She wrote:

We don’t have any children in the home, [but] my husband and I were both excited to learn and live the Savior’s teachings. Scripture study became something that we looked forward to rather than another task that needed to be completed. We also had less arguments, fulfilling the promise . . . that the influence of the adversary in our home would decrease. We love how Come, Follow Me has changed our lives for the better.

One of the frequently overlooked benefits of engaging in gospel learning together as spouses and families is that doing so provides a common language, a shared story, a common topic of discussion.[8] This is a small means that can bring forward great things. The marital researcher John Gottman has noted that the strongest and most enduring marriages tend to involve “emotionally intelligent couples [who] are intimately familiar with each other’s world.”[9] When a significant part of that world is shared through gospel learning, study, interaction, and discussion, everyone wins. These efforts to be on the same page can combine with the inherent “virtue of the word of God” to yield a “powerful effect” (Alma 31:5). One such effect noted by some members was a decrease in arguments and contention, as mentioned by parents and spouses in a variety of circumstances:

“We have had increased power to overcome challenges, have been guided as to how we could serve others, and have noticed less contention in our daily lives.”

“Our family has found hope through the Come, Follow Me program. The influence of the adversary in our home has decreased. We are kinder. We love deeper. Our home is brighter.”

“There has been a more peaceful feeling within our home. Others have even commented on it.”

The reports mesh well with social science studies, including our own, that indicate that “shared religious involvement . . . appears to promote higher levels of marital adjustment and commitment.”[10] Further, shared religious practices and beliefs (for example, Come, Follow Me) can help couples and families “prevent, resolve, and overcome . . . conflict and [help] in resolving conflict.”[11]

We were encouraged to hear related positive reports from some part-member families as well, despite significant inherent difficulties. One person wrote that despite the challenges, she wanted others to know that “these blessings occur even in a part-member family.” One husband wrote that “[Come, Follow Me] adds a level of peace to our home, even though we’re a part-member family. Contention seems to go down, and my wife seems more willing to discuss gospel topics since I . . . bring them up more often now.”

Is President Nelson’s third promise being fulfilled? Is the influence of the adversary decreasing? With respect to the three prophetic promises, some individuals and families are reaping and reporting fairly dramatic changes, while others are seeing incremental progress, including a member who wrote, in summary, “I feel the three promises are slowly improving my quality of life.” In most cases, the Lord works with His children in ways that allow their conversion to occur “line upon line; here a little, and there a little” (Isaiah 28:13), although others do have more dramatic conversion events.

The reports of those experiencing dramatic and gradual improvements despite increased opposition inspire us to do better and be better and to lay claim to the prophetically promised blessings. However, as we reviewed members’ reports, we were reminded that our Heavenly Father frequently chooses to deliver even more than He promises. In the next chapter, we turn our attention to some “bonus blessings” (unexpected blessings) that our fellow members of the Church of Jesus Christ reported.

Questions to Encourage Contemplation and Conversation

1. Pulitzer Prize–winning author Robert Coles has observed that great books issue a moral call to us as readers to be better people. How have you experienced and felt that call as you have studied the scriptures?
2. The Lord has urged us to diligently seek learning “out of the best books,” including and especially the scriptures. How can you and your family increase your diligence in learning from the best books, including but not limited to the scriptures?
3. President Nelson has offered at least three prophetic promises to us as we seek to “remodel [our] home into a center of gospel learning.” These promises, to be fulfilled “over time,” are that “your Sabbath days will truly be a delight. Your children will be excited to learn and to live the Savior’s teachings, and the influence of the adversary in your life and in your home will decrease.” Have you seen these promises begin to be fulfilled in your personal and family life?
4. Of the blessings mentioned by the members referenced in this chapter, was there one that was especially meaningful or striking to you? If so, how can you seek a similar blessing?
5. This chapter suggests that “it is not enough to teach the Lord’s doctrine. We must also strive to teach His doctrine in the manner and spirit that He taught it—namely, through word and example, with profound love, with a listening ear, and with respect.” What are the personal implications of this principle for you?

Creating Opportunities for Revelatory Experiences (CORE)

1. What intentions do you have to enjoy personal revelatory experiences?
2. How can you and your loved ones encourage each other’s revelatory experiences?
3. What personal and relational activities might encourage your own revelatory experiences?

Notes

[1] See Robert Coles, The Call of Stories: Teaching and the Moral Imagination (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1990).

[2] Joseph Smith, “History, 1838–1856, volume C-1 [2 November 1838–31 July 1842],” p. 1255, The Joseph Smith Papers, .

[3] Russell M. Nelson, “Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints,” Ensign, November 2018, 113.

[4] Nelson, “Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints,” 113.

[5] David C. Dollahite and Loren Marks, “Mormons’ Weekly Family Ritual Is an Antidote to Fast-Paced Living,” Atlantic, March 29, 2018, .

[6] Heather Howell Kelley, email message, October 2020.

[7] Loren Marks, quoted in Lois M. Collins, “How Parents Pass Their Religious Beliefs on to Children, Knowing They May Walk Away,” Deseret News, January 23, 2020, .

[8] See David Dollahite and Loren Marks, “‘Holy Script!’ Sacred Text in the Home,” January 12, 2020, in One Page at a Time, podcast, .

[9] John M. Gottman and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (New York: Three Rivers, 2004), 48.

[10] Loren D. Marks and David C. Dollahite, Religion and Families: An Introduction (New York: Routledge, 2017), 59.

[11] Nathaniel M. Lambert and David C. Dollahite, “How Religiosity Helps Couples Prevent, Resolve, and Overcome Marital Conflict,” Family Relations 55, no. 4 (October 2006): 439–49.