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As part of what President Russell M. Nelson has called the “process of restoration”[1] and what has been called an “ongoing restoration,”[2] important divine revelations have been given to the living prophets, seers, and revelators who lead The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Two central themes of the prophetic ministry of President Nelson have been (1) a home-centered, Church-supported approach to religious life and (2) the importance of each Latter-day Saint increasingly obtaining personal revelation. We will discuss personal revelation, as well as what we will refer to as “interpersonal” revelation.

Personal Revelatory Experiences

In his first general conference address as President of the Church of Jesus Christ, President Nelson stated,

I urge you to stretch beyond your current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation, for the Lord has promised that “if thou shalt [seek], thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal” [Doctrine and Covenants 42:61]. . . .

To be sure, there may be times when you feel as though the heavens are closed. But I promise that as you continue to be obedient, expressing gratitude for every blessing the Lord gives you, and as you patiently honor the Lord’s timetable, you will be given the knowledge and understanding you seek. Every blessing the Lord has for you—even miracles—will follow. That is what personal revelation will do for you.

. . . We live in a world that is complex and increasingly contentious. The constant availability of social media and a 24-hour news cycle bombard us with relentless messages. If we are to have any hope of sifting through the myriad of voices and the philosophies of men that attack truth, we must learn to receive revelation.[3]

Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught that we need “revelatory experiences”[4] and that the spirit of revelation “should be operative in the life of every man, woman, and child who reaches the age of accountability and enters into sacred covenants.”[5] Further, a 2021 Church News article about the benefits of family, ward, and stake councils mentions that “spiritual preparation helps foster a revelatory experience.”[6]

We will follow Elder Bednar and use the evocative phrase “revelatory experiences” to refer to spiritual communications from the Lord. Such revelatory experiences are diverse and suited to the needs of the person, marriage, or family receiving them. In other words, revelatory experiences may be cognitive, emotional, intellectual, auditory, visual, or kinesthetic. True to the Faith says the following about revelation:

Revelation is communication from God to His children. This guidance comes through various channels according to the needs and circumstances of individuals, families, and the Church as a whole. . . .

Prophets are not the only people who can receive revelation. According to your faithfulness, you can receive revelation to help you with your specific needs, responsibilities, and questions and to help strengthen your testimony. . . .

. . . The witness of the Holy Ghost makes an impression on the soul that is more significant than anything you can see or hear. Through such revelations, you will receive lasting strength to stay true to the gospel and help others do the same.[7]

Revelations can be received when someone is alone in his or her “closet” (another translation of Matthew 6:6 says “inner room”) or when someone is in the presence of others. When a group of people together experience the presence of the Holy Spirit, we will refer to that as a shared revelatory experience. Home-centered worship is ideally suited to facilitate the personal and shared revelatory experiences that contribute to deep and lasting conversion and help family members draw close both to God and to each other.

Revelatory experiences allow mortals to know for themselves that (a) God lives, (b) God knows us personally, (c) God loves us, and (d) God can communicate with us, including giving us personalized directions to repent, to improve, and to more closely follow His Son. Such revelatory experiences can be an anchor to our souls throughout our mortal lives. God wants to reveal insights and information to us. Indeed, according to Elder Bednar, God is continually sending revelation to us. Personal revelatory experiences allow us to come to know God and Jesus better and to learn how God thinks and feels about us personally. Such insights help us discover (or rediscover) our eternal nature and partake of the eternal life that comes from knowing the Father and the Son (see John 17:3). Even so, a fixation on only the personal can make us vulnerable to what Elder Neal A. Maxwell called the pronoun problem, too much “I, me, and mine” and too little “we and us.” While personal revelation is essential for salvation, eternal life is far more than “personal”—it is familial and deeply relational.

Interpersonal Revelatory Experiences

We will now discuss four expressions of what might be called “interpersonal” revelatory experiences. We will revisit these expressions later in the book but share them here as templates. One expression of interpersonal revelatory experiences occurs when loved ones experience the spirit of revelation together. Such experiences can include sacred blessings, ordinances, shared service to others, or other profound moments that are a manifestation of the Savior’s promise that “where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20). Along with Elder Bednar, we believe that more of our family gatherings, if approached with revelatory experiences in mind, can help family members have more regular revelatory experiences that will bless them with testimony, peace, inspiration, comfort, energy, perspective, confidence, and deep and lasting conversion.

If the literally and unitedly shared revelatory experience is one form of interpersonal revelation, a second form of interpersonal revelation may occur when (under the carefully guided influence of the Spirit) one person shares true things that have been revealed to him or her through the Spirit with a carefully selected other person—things that the prophet Nephi called “the things of my soul” (2 Nephi 4:15). On one hand, the Savior repeatedly admonishes us to use care, wisdom, and inspiration in relating sacred experiences to others who are not prepared to accept or appropriately honor them (see Matthew 7:6; 3 Nephi 14:6). Indeed, there are revelatory experiences that we (or our wives) have felt impressed not to include in this book because of their sacred nature. On the other hand, we have all been instructed in word and by righteous example “to labor diligently to write” (2 Nephi 25:23), to record the Lord’s kind dealings and tender mercies with us in order to help us enlarge our memories (see Alma 37:8) and help “our children . . . know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins” (2 Nephi 25:26). Family is a divinely appointed context for the sharing of interpersonal revelation, through experience and through both written and spoken word. The restored gospel of Jesus Christ includes marvelous doctrine about the eternal nature of marriages and families; it is also eternally important that people come to know their family members in deep and meaningful ways. Appropriate and inspired sharing of revealed testimony and experience can deepen relationships with each other and with the divine in almost unparalleled ways.

A third kind of interpersonal revelatory experience is sharing deep and sacred parts of ourselves with one another—our thoughts and feelings, our hopes and dreams, our anxieties and fears, our experiences and plans, our doubts and questions, and many other aspects of ourselves. We come to know one another when we reveal ourselves to one another. Therefore, we also use the phrase “interpersonal revelatory experiences” to describe times when people share their lives with others by sharing their inner world—the things of their souls. This can be called one’s “personal sacred ground.” These kinds of interpersonal revelatory experiences help build closeness between people that can strengthen their eternal relationships. We believe there are important connections and mutual influences between personal revelatory experiences (God revealing Himself to us) and these kinds of interpersonal revelatory experiences (us revealing ourselves to one another). That is, we believe that each kind of revelatory experience makes the other kind sweeter and more likely to occur. We also believe that sharing personal and interpersonal revelatory experiences strengthens relationships with God and with others (especially loved ones).

The final expression of interpersonal revelatory experience we will mention is inspired by Acts 10:38, which says that Jesus “went about doing good.” What a marvelous phrase! In this dispensation, Jesus told the Prophet Joseph, “Fear not to do good” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:33). Joseph would later teach, “A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race.”[8] The exalting principle here is that the Lord desires to work through us to bless others if we (like Jesus and Joseph) earnestly seek to bless them in His way. But how are we to know how to best lift, help, encourage, comfort, strengthen, and minister to a family member or another soul who needs it? Here interpersonal revelation takes a deepening and expanding plunge into the second great commandment that sets the stage for an adventure of a lifetime. If we are courageous enough to ask, “Lord, whom would you have me bless today—and how can I best do so?” then we open ourselves to a new realm of interpersonal revelation. This form of revelation invites us to share our talents, time, money, space, energy, and anything else our Heavenly Father has blessed us with in order to build up and bless others. In the social sciences, this is called generativity. In the gospel, it is called consecration and it is beautiful.

Our list of four expressions of interpersonal revelation is not exhaustive or comprehensive. However, we hope that our highlighting of (a) experiencing the spirit of revelation together, (b) relating sacred revelatory experiences with family in inspired ways, (c) sharing our sacred inner world with others, and (d) seeking to bless others in ways guided by revelation will be a source of motivation and inspiration to diligently seek out untapped but awaiting treasures in each of these expressions of interpersonal revelation.

Sharing Revelatory Experiences

In this book, we suggest ways that Latter-day Saints can receive, enjoy, and then share personal revelatory experiences with others (especially with loved ones). We also explore how we can facilitate, welcome, share, and receive the personal revelatory experiences of our loved ones—and do so in ways that honor those experiences and the courage and love that it took for our loved ones to share their personal sacred ground with us.

We note that in the first three Come, Follow Me—For Individuals and Families manuals issued (from 2019 to 2021), the outline for each week’s reading invites readers to consider what revelatory experiences they enjoyed during their reading of those scriptures. Each outline also invites them to record their impressions and provides space to do so. And in the Come, Follow Me—For Sunday School manual, the introductory materials state, “As part of every class, invite class members to share insights and experiences they had during the previous week as they studied the scriptures as individuals and families and applied what they learned.”[9] Therefore, it is clear to us that Church leaders are encouraging members to seek, record, and share revelatory experiences on a regular basis.

When we use the phrase “sharing revelatory experiences,” we mean to imply two things: First, individual family members who have personal revelatory experiences can share those experiences with other family members. When family members share “the things of their souls” (see 2 Nephi 4:15) with each other, it can bring a deep sense of connection and meaning. Second, when family members gather in the name of the Lord, then they may enjoy shared revelatory experiences. The Savior taught that “where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20). In a time of increasing cultural skepticism about God and religion, sharing personal revelatory experiences with each other and having shared revelatory experiences may be among the most important things that family members can do to build both strong faith and strong family relationships.

In one sense, people share an interpersonal revelatory experience when they open up and share a part of themselves with someone else and that person “receives” what is shared. Additionally, when loved ones share interpersonal revelatory experiences that they have had with another family member, that also is sharing that experience (in the sense of telling or communicating). For example, a parent might share with a child a time when the parents first opened up to each other and shared important things about their lives with each other. This allows the child to learn about how his or her parents’ relationship developed. Or a wife might share with her husband how their son opened up and shared his feelings of anxiety about an upcoming test in school and how that conversation went.

There are at least three kinds of sharing of sacred experiences with others, each more other-oriented than the last. The first is a kind of narcissistic approach to sharing, the second is a connection-oriented approach, and the third is other-focused. Or, in the words of our friend and colleague Wally Goddard, sharing to impress, to express, or to bless. The more we can share our sacred personal and interpersonal revelatory experiences in ways intended to bless others, the more likely the Spirit of the Lord will accompany our sharing.

Before moving to a discussion of doctrinal foundations for this book, we would like to share a real-life illustration of two of the expressions of interpersonal revelation shared above. To do so, we will borrow a sacred experience recorded by Loren’s father, Larry:

I remember the time [in the 1970s] our washing machine gave out. We had three kids in [cloth] diapers and I didn’t [even] have money to have the thing fixed, and I certainly didn’t have money for a new one, [but we still tithed]. My wife came home from running the errands . . . and there was a washing machine sitting on the porch with a hundred-dollar bill in the envelope taped to the lid, [and] boxes [of laundry detergent] from church. We don’t know [exactly who] it came from . . . [but] we probably would have found out had we done the detective work. But my assessment of that was that there are some miracles that are so sacred that to check to see whose fingerprints are on the lock to the windows of Heaven is sacrilege. Somebody obviously understood the principle of Charity where you don’t let the right hand know what the left hand is doing, and they left that there for us, and God bless them!

First, we note that Larry took the time to record this sacred experience for the sake of his children. The story has also been told numerous times out loud. Second, absent in the above account but present in many of the verbal retellings to his children was a sacred promise that Larry made to God and to himself that at some future point, when his own financial situation was not so miserable, he would seek out the opportunity to likewise serve. We will follow “the principle of Charity where you don’t let the right hand know what the left hand is doing” and not give specifics, but we will say that Larry and his wife, Renee, have indeed delivered on that promise. This shared experience and their example of seeking and following revelation regarding how to help others have motivated their children, including those who were wearing the cloth diapers forty-five years ago, to strive to seek out their own revelations regarding whom to bless and how to do so.

Doctrinal Foundations of Home-Centered Gospel Living and Learning

On the heels of this narrative of a father teaching his children, we will now seek to lay a doctrinal foundation for all that we will contemplate and consider together in this book, including home-centered worship, revelation, and family relationships.

A divine pattern: Parents receive revelation and teach their children

The recent reemphasis by living prophets and apostles on home- and family-centered teaching and learning is following a divine and ancient pattern.[10] That is, as part of the ongoing Restoration, part of what is being restored is the fulness of the divine and ancient pattern of parents teaching children about the plan of happiness and other sacred truths and commandments. This pattern began in the premortal Council in Heaven when God the Father gathered His children and taught them about His plan for their eternal progression centered in the Creation, the Fall, and the Atonement (see Abraham 3:22–28).

From the beginning, on earth there has been a pattern that includes three elements: (a) God’s children call on Him through prayer, (b) God reveals sacred truths to them, and (c) they share with their posterity those sacred experiences and truths in person and in writing. In the beginning, the Lord revealed that parents should teach their children about God and their relationship to Him. Adam and Eve, our first parents, set a profound pattern for all their descendants by calling on God, receiving revelation from Him, and then diligently teaching their children about God and about what God has revealed to His children. This is recorded in the Book of Moses in the Pearl of Great Price:

And Adam and Eve, his wife, called upon the name of the Lord, and they heard the voice of the Lord from the way toward the Garden of Eden, speaking unto them, and they saw him not; for they were shut out from his presence.

And he gave unto them commandments, that they should worship the Lord their God, and should offer the firstlings of their flocks, for an offering unto the Lord. And Adam was obedient unto the commandments of the Lord. (Moses 5:4–5)

The Lord sent them a heavenly messenger to teach them how sacrifices pointed them to “the Only Begotten of the Father, which is full of grace and truth” (verse 7). God then sent the Holy Ghost to teach them that they could be redeemed from their Fall. Eve “heard all these things and was glad,” and she spoke of “the joy of [their] redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient” (verse 11).

Following our first parents’ seeking and receiving revelation about sacred truths from the Lord, then their discussing that revelation among themselves, we are told that “Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters” (verse 12). This pattern continued as “Adam and Eve, his wife, ceased not to call upon God” (verse 16). Adam communed with the Lord and received essential doctrinal truths about the gospel. The Lord then said, “Wherefore teach it unto your children, that all men, everywhere, must repent, or they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God. . . . Therefore I give unto you a commandment, to teach these things freely unto your children” (Moses 6:57–58).

So, from our heavenly parents and our first parents on earth, the pattern of receiving and teaching sacred truths and experiences to children was established. In reference to the children of our first parents, we are told, “And God revealed himself unto Seth” (verse 3) and “Then began these men to call upon the name of the Lord, and the Lord blessed them” (verse 4). A “book of remembrance” was kept of these sacred experiences and revelations, and “by them their children were taught” (verse 6). Finally, we are taught that “now this same Priesthood, which was in the beginning, shall be in the end of the world also” (verse 7), a prophecy that the divine and ancient pattern would be fully restored in the latter days—as it has and as it continues to be.

Prophets in the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ also reflect this divine pattern. Nephi stated, “For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ” (2 Nephi 25:23; emphasis added), and “We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins” (verse 26; emphasis added).

Because of apostasy, this divine pattern was again revealed during the dispensation given to Moses. After delivering them from bondage in Egypt, the Lord commanded the Israelites to teach their children the things He had revealed to them, including teaching them in their homes:

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord:

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

And these words, which I commend thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deuteronomy 6:4–7; emphasis added)

The Lord reiterated this principle at the beginning of the Restoration when He revealed to the Prophet Joseph Smith, “But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth” (Doctrine and Covenants 93:40). Indeed, the Lord revealed that “parents . . . in Zion” were responsible to teach their children “the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism,” or the sin would be “upon the heads of the parents” (Doctrine and Covenants 68:25).

The Ongoing Restoration: “A Home-Centered Church” Reemphasized

As we mentioned in the introduction, on October 6, 2018, President Russell M. Nelson delivered a message of historic change at the beginning of general conference when he said,

As Latter-day Saints, we have become accustomed to thinking of “church” as something that happens in our meetinghouses, supported by what happens at home. We need an adjustment to this pattern. It is time for a home-centered Church, supported by what takes place inside our branch, ward, and stake buildings.[11]

Acknowledging the difficult and challenging time in which we live, President Nelson then stated,

The adversary is increasing his attacks on faith and upon us and our families at an exponential rate. To survive spiritually, we need counterstrategies and proactive plans. Accordingly, we now want to put in place organizational adjustments that will further fortify our members and their families. . . .

This morning we will announce a new balance and connection between gospel instruction in the home and in the Church. We are each responsible for our individual spiritual growth. And scriptures make it clear that parents have the primary responsibility to teach the doctrine to their children.[12]

President Nelson was announcing changes intended to bring the Church and its members into even greater harmony with the divine pattern discussed earlier. Along these same lines, Elder D. Todd Christofferson explained, “Beginning with Adam, the gospel of Jesus Christ was preached, and the essential ordinances of salvation, such as baptism, were administered through a family-based priesthood order.” He went on to teach that we must remember that in the beginning, the Church was the family, and even today as separate institutions, the family and the Church serve and strengthen one another. Neither supplants the other, and certainly the Church, even at its best, cannot substitute for parents. The point of gospel teaching and priesthood ordinances administered by the Church is that families may qualify for eternal life.[13]

Home, not the ward building, is central—and foundational, and fortifying efforts are best made there. All of this seems to harmonize with the 1924 observation of sociologist James E. McCulloch that “no other success can compensate for failure in the home.”[14] David O. McKay found sufficient truth in these words to share them in general conference on two occasions (1935 and 1964), and their relevance has increased, not decreased, in the century after McCulloch penned them.

Prophets Deliver “The Plans”

Following a reminder that parents hold the fundamental and “primary responsibility to teach the doctrine” in their homes,[15] President Nelson explained in his conference message, “All members of the Council of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles are united in endorsing this message.” He continued, “We gratefully acknowledge the inspiration from the Lord that has influenced the development of the[se] plans.” President Nelson then testified:

My dear brothers and sisters, I know that God lives! Jesus is the Christ! This is His Church that He directs by prophecy and revelation to His humble servants. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.[16]

What were the new “plans” informed by inspiration from the Lord? Elder Quentin L. Cook delivered the news of a shortened, two-hour Sunday church meeting schedule and explained that this adjustment was designed to facilitate additional time for “home-centered, Church-supported gospel learning.” The desired “purposes and blessings” of the related changes included

• deepening conversion to Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthening faith in Them;
• strengthening individuals and families through a home-centered, Church-supported curriculum that contributes to joyful gospel living;
• honoring the Sabbath day, with a focus on the ordinance of the sacrament; and
• helping all of Heavenly Father’s children on both sides of the veil through missionary work and receiving ordinances and covenants and blessings of the temple.

Elder Cook then urged that the new Spirit-directed pattern of home-centered learning “needs to influence more powerfully family religious observance and behavior and personal religious observance and behavior.” Speaking on behalf of his brethren in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and the First Presidency, he then stated, “We know the spiritual impact and the deep and lasting conversion that can be achieved in the home setting.” In a manner that set the tone for much of what we share in this book (prophetic teachings supported by social science findings), Elder Cook next addressed a valuable insight gained from social science research regarding deep and lasting conversion by explaining,

Years ago, a study established that for young men and women the influence of the Holy Ghost most often accompanies individual scripture study and prayer in the home. Our purpose is to balance the Church and the home experiences in a way that will greatly increase faith and spirituality and deepen conversion to Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.[17]

Please note Elder Cook’s emphasis on “individual scripture study and prayer in the home.”

Although Elder Cook did not offer a reference to a specific research study, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has its own Correlation Research Division that has used social science methods to examine many related issues. Additional supporting social science research by BYU professors Brent Top and Bruce Chadwick exploring Latter-day Saint teens from across the United States has similarly summarized, “One of the most important insights we gained is the need for teens to pray and study their scriptures on their own.” Top and Chadwick went on to explain that in their national study, they were quite surprised to discover that many of the teenagers felt no need to say their own personal prayers or read the scriptures by themselves, because they felt it was enough that they were doing it with their families. Teenagers who pray and read scriptures not only with their families but also on their own will have greater spiritual strength than those who do not. It is important for families to do these things, but in order for youth to truly internalize the gospel they must pray and study individually in the quiet and privacy of their own space. Family prayer and scripture study, as important as they are, are more external activities, whereas personal prayer and scripture study become more internal.[18]

Like President Nelson’s and Elder Cook’s remarks, this social science finding from Top and Chadwick indicates that deep and lasting conversion is most likely to be founded on both personal and family study and worship. But does this extra dimension of “internal,” personal worship matter enough that it seems to measurably influence other areas of a teenager’s life? Yes. Top and Chadwick reported,

The youth in our study who exercised faith in the Lord by consistently and conscientiously communing with their Heavenly Father in personal prayer showed greater strength to resist many of the peer pressures and temptations of the world. Similarly, those teens who also personally studied the scriptures on a regular, if not daily, basis evidenced significantly lower levels of unworthy behavior [for example, alcohol and drug use, sexual activity].[19]

There is something synergistic that happens when individual devotion and familial devotion combine in a home—and in spiritual life. Gospel learning, divine insight, observed and lived experience, and social science research findings have combined to make the Brethren acutely aware of this reality. These evidences—in particular the scripturally based doctrinal foundation for parents teaching children the gospel—help explain the importance of “home-centered” efforts urged by living prophets and apostles.

So, what is the detailed plan to maximize the powerful combination of individual and family worship? Although Elder Cook referenced Come, Follow Me, the structure and outline he offered were simple and minimalist. He explained:

In the home-centered, Church-supported portion of this adjustment, there is flexibility for each individual and family to determine prayerfully how and when it will be implemented.[20]

Rarely has a major Church change been made with such expansive flexibility—or with the promise of such “extraordinary” blessings. Elder Cook asked, “What do these adjustments mean for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?” He suggested:

We are confident that members will be blessed in extraordinary ways. Sunday can be a day of gospel learning and teaching at church and in the home. As individuals and families engage in family councils, family history, ministering, service, personal worship, and joyful family time, the Sabbath day will truly be a delight.[21]

The “delight” and “extraordinary” blessings referenced by Elder Cook include, first and foremost, deep and lasting conversion. Indeed, a careful study of Elder Cook’s address, entitled “Deep and Lasting Conversion to Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ,” reveals that he explicitly referenced the sacred aim of conversion no fewer than ten times.[22] Elder Cook stated:

The goal of these adjustments is to obtain a deep and lasting conversion of adults and the rising generation. The first page of the individual and family resource points out: “The aim of all gospel learning and teaching is to deepen our conversion and help us become more like Jesus Christ. . . . This means relying on Christ to change our hearts. . . . True conversion requires the influence of the Holy Ghost” [Come, Follow Me—For Individuals and Families, v].[23]

Elder Cook then underscored the importance of cooperation and healthy flexibility by saying, “We trust you to counsel together and to seek revelation for implementing these adjustments—while not looking beyond the mark or trying to regiment individuals or families.” Recently published social science indicates that one feature of “exemplary” religious families of various faiths is that they seem to find a balance between firmness, structure, and consistency on one hand while maintaining flexibility, adaptability, and creativity on the other.[24] This healthy blend can yield delight instead of drudgery.

In our work, we have been blessed by seeing how often social science, doctrine, and prophetic teachings align. Even so, our motivation for emphasizing this divine and doctrinal pattern is not based on social science but on scriptural and prophetic teachings about the doctrine that God has revealed and our trust in his doctrinal pattern. Elder Christofferson taught, “The social science case for marriage and for families headed by a married man and woman is compelling. . . . But our claims for the role of marriage and family rest not on social science but on the truth that they are God’s creation.”[25] The divine pattern of parents teaching children is God’s creation, ordained and commanded by God.

In the concluding address of the October 2018 conference, President Nelson exhorted the Saints:

The new home-centered, Church-supported integrated curriculum has the potential to unleash the power of families, as each family follows through conscientiously and carefully [strives] to transform their home into a sanctuary of faith. I promise that as you diligently work to remodel your home into a center of gospel learning, over time your Sabbath days will truly be a delight. Your children will be excited to learn and to live the Savior’s teachings, and the influence of the adversary in your life and in your home will decrease. Changes in your family will be dramatic and sustaining.[26]

In the words of one member, “We don’t simply go to church, we are the Church!”

We Can Learn from Exemplary Families

Shifting back to our own work, we were pleasantly surprised that President Nelson chose “Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints” as the title and theme of his concluding October 2018 address. The exemplary families of faith we have had the pleasure of interviewing opened their homes to us and shared their stories with us. They discussed their successes, their failures, their challenges, their beliefs, and their worship. They invited us onto their sacred ground.[27] Namely, many of these exemplary persons, including wives/mothers, husbands/fathers, and eighty-four youthful daughters and sons (10–25 years old), discussed how they came to develop a connection (or even a relationship) with God through personal, couple, and family worship. What has worked, what has failed? What has been magical, what has been mundane? What has been beautiful, what has caused bitterness?

Our own research explored the question of “When is it time for parents and youth to discuss spiritual and religious matters?” We discovered the answer was often . . . if the conversations are youth centered (rather than parent centered). We explored the question “When is it time for parents to preach?” We discovered the answer was rarely. A strong parental example is far better than preaching. We also explored the question of “When is it time for parents to listen?” We discovered that the answer that many wise parents gave (and that most youth agreed with) was “far more often than most parents do.”[28] Whether families were teaching us about sacred religious practices, about balancing firmness and flexibility, about agency and accountability, or about the spirit and nature of healthy parent-child dialogue about religion, our hope has been that by carefully examining exemplary religious families, all could benefit and learn from their successes and their challenges.

Therefore, when President Nelson and Elder Cook commenced October 2018 general conference with a call for powerful home-based learning as a vital pathway to joyful gospel living and deep and lasting conversion, we were profoundly interested. When President Nelson concluded the historic conference with his call to us to “unleash the power of families” and to become “exemplary Latter-day Saints,” we were excited for the blessings we knew would accrue for individuals and families from heeding this inspired prophetic counsel. We have seen a rich, colorful, and diverse array of families inside and outside the Church of Jesus Christ—and we have seen that when individuals and families learn of, speak of, and commune with God in their homes, life’s challenges do not stop, but that authentically lived faith makes it possible for even their afflictions to be consecrated for their gain (see 2 Nephi 2:2).

However, those who have made the intentional journey to joyful and faithful family life have repeatedly told us that the blessings of this promised land are not to be won easily or quickly. The realities of the cultural wilderness that we all inhabit, including increasing wickedness, materialism, individualism, and distractions in the form of an array of enticements, mean that it requires great personal and family efforts to cross over into that promised land. In the words of leading marital researcher and therapist William J. Doherty, the single greatest danger to marriage and family life may simply be the wear and tear of everyday living.[29] Indeed, the perennial challenges of “the world,” our own selfish desires, societal distractions, and the chaotic and disintegrating influences of everyday life all require vigilance and consistent efforts to overcome. Even so, we have seen the truth of President Nelson’s words—that those who “feast upon the word of the Lord and apply His teachings” are indeed blessed with “increased faith . . . and patience to endure [their] personal challenges in life.”[30]

This book provides many examples of faithful individuals and families who are living imperfect but exemplary lives of religious devotion. We hope the examples provided here, from our fellow Saints as well as our friends of other faiths, will inspire you and help you learn various ways “to unleash the power of families” in your own lives and homes. We particularly hope that the examples from many individuals and families found in these pages will help the rising generation.

Patterns of meaningful religious practices are important to establish and maintain. But research, including our own, has indicated how important it is to (a) focus on the quality of relationships along with the quality of practices and rituals and to (b) balance what we call religious firmness with religious flexibility.[31] But more than just providing a possible menu of home-centered religious practices from which to choose, we strive to explore ways of engaging in study and worship (both individually and with others) that are more likely to result in joyful gospel living.

To enable persons and families to experience deep conversion and joy, we have found that it is important to help children learn the whys of religious observance and not just the whats and whens. This includes focusing on the things that matter most (for example, our eternal parents and divine heritage, our Savior, the plan of happiness, the Atonement, the Restoration, and our covenants). As we previously discussed in the section on the divine pattern, parents’ teaching children about core doctrines and sharing their own sacred revelatory experiences with them are among the things that matter most. Further, this sharing can be profound and meaningful (see Moses chapters 5 and 6).

All Families Are Imperfect (Including Ours)

We have spent our professional careers exploring the ways that religious beliefs, spiritual practices, and faith communities influence marriage and family life. We have spent our personal lives—at least on our good days—trying to live and teach the gospel in our own homes and families. Among the hundreds of families whom we have been privileged to interview for our research (and among hundreds of families we have been privileged to associate with in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), we have observed many strong and healthy families of faith. None of these families—including our own—is perfect. All families—including our own—are made up of imperfect people doing their best to live their lives, address personal and relational challenges, come to know God and each other, and resist personal sin and weaknesses. Every marriage and family—including our own—involves some degree of disappointment, grief, and longing for things to be better. This too is by divine design, since imperfect families make up the “earthly homes” that help us learn to overcome opposition and challenges.[32]

Part of what it means to be part of an imperfect family (and an imperfect community of Saints) is the potential for human expectations to take precedence over divine doctrines. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught that following the Savior’s commandments is the essence of being a disciple of Christ, but then he cautioned,

But this may present a problem for some because there are so many “shoulds” and “should nots” that merely keeping track of them can be a challenge. Sometimes, well-meaning amplifications of divine principles—many coming from uninspired sources—complicate matters further, diluting the purity of divine truth with man-made addenda. One person’s good idea—something that may work for him or her—takes root and becomes an expectation. And gradually, eternal principles can get lost within the labyrinth of “good ideas.”[33]

With all of this said, as social scientists, we believe that there are both warnings and wisdom that can be gathered and garnered from careful observation of human failures and successes. As disciples of Christ who are imperfectly striving to be “all in,” it is our further and deeper conviction that earnest study of the scriptures and sincere effort to sustain and follow the living prophets can help imperfect families—including yours and ours—become far more than they could without inspired guidance. In this book, we imperfectly but sincerely strive to convey prophetic, scriptural, and social science insights that can work together for our good as individuals, as families, and as a global Church.

Conclusion

We fully concur with and sustain President Nelson’s prophetic vision and aims. We all have a river or two to cross before we reach the promised land; however, we hope that the wisdom that prophets and several exemplary families have shared will be helpful. Part of that vital wisdom is that spiritual experiences are essential, as discussed in the next chapter.

We conclude this chapter with a quote from Lisa Miller’s book The Spiritual Child. Dr. Miller is a clinical psychologist and professor who has studied spirituality in children. She states the following:

There is no question that the parenting journey wears away our ego, but ultimately we are not made less by the exhaustion, tired eyes, worn short-term memory, and endless laundry. Rather, we are so very much more—from our children’s wondrous arrival into our lives to their rounds of questioning and development, when we pay attention and we reflect, we can see great things through their spiritual lens.

What if this parenting journey is actually the ultimate spiritual journey? The equivalent to the deep awakening of the isolated monk, the pilgrimage to Mecca or Jerusalem, or the climb up Mount Everest? . . .

. . . A commitment by all of us to foster children’s spirituality . . . can truly change our global culture.[34]

Questions to Encourage Contemplation and Conversation

1. Given that it has now been two hundred years since the First Vision, why is now an ideal time for a major reemphasis on “home-centered, Church-supported” gospel learning, study, and worship of the Savior?
2. Why is it that individual study and worship combined with family study and worship have significantly more impact on deep conversion and behavior than either approach by itself? What are the implications and applications of this for you and your family?
3. How can you and your family strike a healthy balance between firmness and flexibility in your home-based religious practices? Do you tend to err in either direction? How might better harmony and balance be found?
4. Family researcher and therapist William J. Doherty has said, “The biggest threat to good marriages is everyday living.”[35] How can engaging in individual, couple, and family worship and study in the home help protect us against the dangers of “everyday living”? What does your family do well? What would you like to do better?
5. Given that no family is perfect, why is it still of value to carefully consider the challenges, frustrations, trials, and successes of “exemplary” families? What are some vital lessons you have learned from observing “exemplary” individuals and families during your life? Have some (or many or most) of those exemplars been from outside The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? How can we better respond to President Nelson’s invitation to become “exemplary Latter-day Saints”?

Creating Opportunities for Revelatory Experiences (CORE)

1. What intentions do you have to enjoy personal revelatory experiences?
2. How can you and your loved ones encourage each other’s revelatory experiences?
3. What personal and relational activities might encourage your own revelatory experiences?

Notes

[1] Quoted in “Latter-day Saint Prophet, Wife and Apostle Share Insights of Global Ministry,” October 30, 2018, https://newsroom.ChurchofJesusChrist.org/article/latter-day-saint-prophet-wife-apostle-share-insights-global-ministry#churchofjesuschrist.

[2] LeGrand R. Curtis Jr., “The Ongoing Restoration,” Ensign, April 2020, 20–25.

[3] Russell M. Nelson, “Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives,” Ensign, May 2018, 95–96.

[4] See David A. Bednar, in “Panel Discussion” (worldwide leadership training meeting, November 2010), broadcasts.ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

[5] David A. Bednar, “The Spirit of Revelation,” Ensign, May 2011, 87.

[6] Sydney Walker and Sarah Jane Weaver, “Inside Church Headquarters Photo Gallery: 17 Things We’ve Learned about Councils,” Church News, updated August 5, 2021, https://www.thechurchnews.com/leaders-and-ministry/2021-08-05/inside-church-headquarters-photo-gallery-summary-points-220912.

[7] True to the Faith: A Gospel Reference (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2004), 140–41.

[8] Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2007), 426.

[9] Emphasis added. Every Come, Follow Me—For Sunday School manual published so far has included this instruction. See, for example, Come, Follow Me—For Sunday School: Old Testament 2022, xii.

[10] For an insightful discussion of this divine-pattern idea, see Byran B. Korth, “Parents Teaching Children to Believe in Christ: ‘An Echo of a Celestial Pattern,’” in Give Ear to My Words: Text and Context of Alma 36–42, ed. Kerry M. Hull, Nicholas J. Frederick, and Hank R. Smith (Provo, UT: Religious Studies Center, Brigham Young University; Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2019), 341–68.

[11] Russell M. Nelson, “Opening Remarks,” Ensign, November 2018, 7.

[12] Nelson, “Opening Remarks,” 7–8.

[13] D. Todd Christofferson, “Why the Church,” Ensign, November 2015, 108, 110.

[14] J. E. McCulloch, Home: The Savior of Civilization (Washington, DC: Southern Co-operative League, 1924), 42.

[15] Nelson, “Opening Remarks,” 8. In note 2, President Nelson referenced the Lord’s words in Doctrine and Covenants 93:40 (“I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth”) and in Moses 6:58–62 (“to teach these things freely unto your children, . . . the plan of salvation”).

[16] Nelson, “Opening Remarks,” 8.

[17] Quentin L. Cook, “Deep and Lasting Conversion to Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ,” Ensign, November 2018, 10.

[18] Brent L. Top and Bruce A. Chadwick, Rearing Righteous Youth of Zion (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1998), 87; emphasis in original.

[19] Top and Chadwick, Rearing Righteous Youth of Zion, 87.

[20] Cook, “Deep and Lasting Conversion,” 10.

[21] Cook, “Deep and Lasting Conversion,” 11.

[22] The repeated uses of the word “conversion” were modified or contextualized as follows: (1) “deepening conversion,” (2) “deepening individual conversion,” (3) “the Spirit increases and strengthens conversion,” (4) “deep and lasting conversion” (four times), (5) “deepening conversion to Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ,” (6) “deepen our conversion,” and (7) “true conversion.”

[23] Cook, “Deep and Lasting Conversion,” 11.

[24] See David C. Dollahite et al., “Beyond Religious Rigidities: Religious Firmness and Religious Flexibility as Complementary Loyalties in Faith Transmission,” Religions 10, no. 2 (2019): 111.

[25] D. Todd Christofferson, “Why Marriage, Why Family,” Ensign, May 2015, 52.

[26] Russell M. Nelson, “Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints,” Ensign, November 2018, 113.

[27] See David C. Dollahite and Loren D. Marks, eds., Strengths in Diverse Families of Faith: Exploring Religious Differences (New York: Routledge, 2020).

[28] See David C. Dollahite and Jennifer Y. Thatcher, “Talking about Religion: How Highly Religious Youth and Parents Discuss Their Faith,” Journal of Adolescent Research 23, no. 5 (2008): 611–41.

[29] See William J. Doherty, Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart (New York: Guilford, 2001), 125.

[30] Nelson, “Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints,” 114.

[31] See Dollahite et al., “Beyond Religious Rigidities.”

[32] See Naomi W. Randall, “I Am a Child of God,” in Hymns (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1985), no. 301.

[33] Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Love of God,” Ensign, November 2009, 21.

[34] Lisa Miller, The Spiritual Child (New York: Picador, 2015), 19–20; emphasis added.

[35] Doherty, Take Back Your Marriage, 125.