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Later in this book (chapters 7 and 8), we will share members’ reports of how they have seen prophetic promises begin to be fulfilled in their personal and familial lives as they have made imperfect but consistent and faith-filled efforts to study and worship. In this chapter, we present some pragmatic ideas and encouragement from members regarding success within the walls of their own homes. Recurring ideas in hundreds of responses to the question “What has worked well?” included the following:

• To be consistent, it is helpful to have a set time for Come, Follow Me.
• For many families, Sunday afternoons and Monday home evening are the most common “larger chunks” of study time.
• Many break Come, Follow Me into small (five- to fifteen-minute) chunks daily or weekly.
• Many find that taking personal notes is helpful and meaningful.
• There are a variety of effective approaches to Come, Follow Me.
• Many singles deeply appreciate the opportunity to join with family and friends.
• When Saints do personal and family study, they report great benefits.

We asked the surveyed members, “If you could give one piece of advice to a person or family who is struggling with the new home-centered, Church-supported approach to gospel learning and the Come, Follow Me materials, what would it be?” To be context specific, we share offered ideas, advice, and encouragement from sisters and brothers in various life situations, as indicated.

Encouragement from Singles

When single sisters were asked for a piece of advice (including sisters who were divorced, widowed, or never married), their reports included the following:

“Experiment, and be open to trying new things—talk to friends, get ideas.”

“Adjust it to fit your situation, and try . . . until you find something that works for you.”

“Set a routine/schedule that works best for you, and allow enough time to ‘feast’ upon the word. ‘Snacks’ are great, but they aren’t a feast.”

“Just keep striving to do it, and eventually it will get easier, and blessings will come.”

The latter comment seems to reflect Emerson’s encouraging wisdom from chapter 3: “That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed but that our power to do has increased.”[1]

A few reports from single brothers (including brothers who were divorced, widowed, or never married) included the following:

“Consistency is the goal for me. Doing our study earlier in the day is a goal for me. Having everyone participate is a goal for me. I’m a single dad, so time is always a challenge, whether it’s time to cook the dinner or study scriptures. There rarely is enough time. Quality of our studies is sometimes sacrificed in schedule juggling and too much to do on my schedule, or not getting everyone gathered earlier and . . . end[ing] up doing studies right before bed, which can make studying at that hour hard for a variety of reasons. That is again why consistency is [an] overarching goal and the key for me.”

“Living the gospel and following the prophet never was an easy task in any generation of the Church, ancient or modern. Luckily, we have a pattern established by Joseph Smith that is a promised solution to anyone who tries it. Step 1: Seek out all the resources God has already given you to be successful. In Come, Follow Me, the opening pages are dedicated to helping us get the most out of our experiences. Step 2: Read and follow the advice given in James 1:5: ‘If any of y[ou] lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.’ Step 3: Follow the inspiration that comes, or be okay with a nonanswer. Step 4: Repeat the process over . . . again. Joseph Smith developed his relationship with God over a lifetime, and their bond became sweeter with every prayer.”

“My kids may not always have the most spiritual experience from studying together, but they will sometimes, . . . and they will remember that, and they will learn and remember as they grow that studying daily was important to their dad.”

Encouragement from Those with Small Children in the Home

Of all the groups of members surveyed, sisters with small children seemed to be the most taxed and stressed. Accordingly, we share more responses in this section than in any other. We do so for two reasons: (1) to allow these sisters to speak to others in their life stage and (2) to help those of us who are striving to love and support young mothers to better understand their context. Advice, counsel, and encouragement from sisters with small children included the following:

“[If you are struggling], you’re not alone!”

“God is the first priority. When we trust in serving Him first, everything else will align. Now I need to follow my own advice.”

“[I would tell those who are struggling] not to stress too much. I believe Heavenly Father appreciates our efforts to try, even if they fail and we have to start again.”

“Pray for help. This program is most definitely from heaven, and I think the most difficult part is starting. Try lots of different ways of implementing it, and keep [whatever] works best for you.”

“[Take] three weeks to form a habit, and I know you will see a difference in your life, and it will be possible to carry out this program.”

“Just open the manual up and start small. You can look at the pictures, read the introduction of the lesson for the week, and see where that takes you.”

“SIMPLIFY! Our kids range in age from 2 to 11 and only have attention spans for short times. We try to keep it as simple as possible for them to understand. If our older kids have more questions, then we spend more time talking to them and let our younger kids be done.”

“Don’t be embarrassed by your failures. Use them as a jumping-off point.”

“The best lie Satan ever told us was ‘It’s not going to be THE best or YOUR best from the beginning, so why try?’”

“Go to the Church website.”

“Just do it. It gets easier. Satan knows the kind of power that comes from strong testimonies, and he wants you to fail. The kids will remember more than you realize, and when they need to draw from those reserves, they will have strength and courage.”

“[There is a] power [that] comes from understanding and applying the principles taught from parents who are blessed with revelation to know what the[ir children] need.”

“[The value of studying as a family] will be immeasurable in a future day. Our families must have this fortification to withstand what is coming, [so] don’t give up.”

“I don’t know [what advice to give], because I am the one struggling with it.”

“Learn it for yourself first, then teach it to your family.”

“Don’t feel pressure to implement this program the same way that your neighbors do. Sit down as a family, and make your own plan that will work for you. Try it out, evaluate, counsel together, and refine your plan over time.”

“The purpose of Come, Follow Me is to draw closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ. If you get behind, don’t stress out, and don’t feel guilty. Just ask Heavenly Father for help, study a little bit every day, and I promise you will receive that blessing of drawing closer to Christ.”

Counsel and encouragement regarding Come, Follow Me from married fathers with small children in their homes included the following:

���𲹻� Gospel Teaching and Learning, which is a remarkable resource published by the Church about how to teach effectively. It has been extremely helpful for us and given us many great ideas.”

“If finding the time to gather and [read] and study together is the issue, try to have more meaningful discussions during dinner or other times you’re around the family.”

“Find the schedule/pattern/timing that helps you enjoy it the most. If you dread it, you will find excuses to put it off. If you enjoy the time, you’ll continue growing.”

“Make sure you set a time, and hold that time sacred. When your family schedule changes, like in the summer, remember to quickly reset a new time that works for the family so you can keep a consistent schedule.”

“Do what works best for you.”

“Use the [Gospel] Library!”

“Be patient with yourself. God wants you to improve, but everyone does so at different rates. The message I got from General Authorities is to do what works for your family. If that means that you don’t follow the schedule that everyone else is on exactly, that is totally fine. Giving up on it would be a failure, but God just wants us to keep trying to make this a part of our lives.”

“Pray to know how your family could best use it, and act on ideas so you can eventually find the best application for your situation.”

Encouragement from Those with Older Children at Home

Parents with teenage or emerging adult children also offered ideas. Of the several groups of members we studied, only sisters with young children at home seemed to have more on their plates and minds than sisters with older children at home. When asked for one piece of advice, some mothers of older children reported the following:

“[1] can’t help. I’m the one struggling.”

“Use the Church website to help you with your studies.”

“Give yourself some time to really get into the studying.”

“Ask to join another family for one time to see how they do it, or visit your own family members for their ‘home church’ time.”

“Keep it simple, and [do it] in small bites.”

“We’ve been promised great blessings that will come to our families by implementing the program, so I study by myself in expectation that those blessings will come.”

“Just start! Jump in! You will find a pattern that fits your individual family/yourself, and you will begin to see the blessings of increased faith. . . . Your love for the Savior will grow. You will [gain] increased insight into His person, His character.”

“If all the material feels overwhelming, take the time to just study a few portions each week. It will bring the Spirit into your home!”

“Rather than being overwhelmed by a sense that you don’t know exactly what you should do and how you should do it, enjoy the greater sense of personal freedom to approach your gospel learning in a way that works best for you.”

Counsel and encouragement regarding Come, Follow Me from fathers with older children in their homes included the following:

“Try your best each week, and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t accomplish all you wanted to. Keep working at it until it becomes more of a habit and everyone adjusts.”

“Assume the Lord understands you’d like to do better; however, you are trying to do the best under your circumstances. To be doing it . . . can really be the achievement.”

“Similar to [home evening], just do it, even when there are bumps along the way.”

���𳾱𳾲���� . . . that the Lord is on your side, that you can succeed, and that He stands ready to help you. He inspired the Brethren to help us move forward in this way, and He’ll help us implement it successfully.”

“Seek your children’s input, and ask them to think of ways they can help.”

“Make the effort to have a set time to study together. It won’t happen unless it is a scheduled event each Sabbath or during the week.”

A Review of Member Encouragement regarding Come, Follow Me

Across the variety of women and men we heard from, most members were interested in doing their best to implement the new home-centered, Church-supported approach to gospel learning offered by Come, Follow Me. Despite challenges, often significant ones, many members reported trying to positively respond to this invitation in their lives and homes. Many were also willing to offer encouragement and ideas to fellow Saints who might be struggling—and were also eager to learn what others had done.

There is good reason to believe that efforts by ward, branch, and stake leaders to assist in this process will be met with appreciation from most members. However, agency, adaptability, flexibility, customization, and a willingness to seek and follow the Spirit at an individual and a family level are vital for leaders and members to remember.

Exemplars of Home-Centered Worship: Lee and Nadia

We now take an in-depth look at portions of an interview involving home-centered worship with a Latter-day Saint family from our American Families of Faith Project. During past years of his own teen rebellion, the father, Lee,[2] was a deeply talented and intelligent boy floundering in a directionless array that social scientists would call antisocial behavior, complete with the full-length trench coat and wild hair. He met Nadia and was fascinated by her—and eventually by her religious beliefs. Several months later, after a one-week personal immersion in the Book of Mormon, Lee decided to be baptized. He later married Nadia, who was a lifelong member, and they have striven to be “all in” with their individual and shared commitment to the gospel.

For their more than twenty-five years of marriage, Lee and Nadia have studied, loved, and lived their faith while raising their children in a culture that is often hostile and counter to the gospel. However, their faith in God’s revealed word has involved both belief and action. Nadia explained:

One of the most important [practices] for me is family prayer and [studying] scripture verses. It’s something that we share with our children. . . . [When] they [were] still pretty young [and] not able to have deep intellectual discussions about our faith, . . . we . . . deal[t] with them on their intellectual level. We have family prayer together. We take turns. Each member of the family . . . takes turns saying our family prayer at meals or in the morning or at night right before we go to bed. And then each night we gather together, and we study from the scriptures. . . . When the kids don’t understand something, they’ll stop us. [We’ll talk about] the meaning of a certain word, and [we’ll ask], “What [are] they . . . talking about here?” And it’s a wonderful opportunity for us every day to teach them a little bit more, and to find out what they know, and we never cease to be surprised at how much . . . they understand. And doing that every day is something that I hope will continue to instill the knowledge of what we believe.

Did their children experience their own deep and lasting conversions? Our initial interview with Lee and Nadia was more than a decade ago. Our follow-up revealed that their oldest son served an honorable mission and married in the temple. Their oldest daughter served faithfully in a young single adult ward for years before recently marrying in the temple as well. Their youngest son is currently serving a mission. Another daughter, however, has left the Church. Lee and Nadia, like many parents, pray for the return of a beloved child whose current walk is not on the covenant path. (Of course, in every family the religious choices of individual children interact with parental intentions and efforts toward gospel learning and living. Therefore, it is important for all of us to avoid judging parents based on the religious choices of children.)

Many years of Nadia’s life involved serving as an early-morning seminary teacher in her ward, but it is her opinion that even her best efforts “will not be enough” for most of the young women and young men she has taught, unless they are getting significant foundational gospel teaching at home and through their own personal study. In her interview, Nadia explained her continual urging to both her own children and to the seminary-aged youth: “You have got to learn and decide for yourself if this [is] true. . . . Yes, my parents raised me with the knowledge of the doctrine that I now hold to, but I had to make that choice[, and so will you].”

Similarly addressing both the home-based worship and personal choice, Lee said,

Family prayer or the study of the scriptures or family home evening . . . it always comes back to this is what we believe. And yeah, we all have our different interests or different hobbies, and our different personalities, but we have our religion in common, and it’s a rock we all can hold on to. It’s always gonna be there, it’s never changing, it’s there to comfort us. And the teachings that we [learn] through the scriptures . . . these are things that I as a parent . . . need to take into my own life, and in turn lead my family . . . by teaching those things, by living those things, [by] being an example. And without it, we would kind of be blown around by any wind of what’s bad [out] there.

Lee also emphasized the responsibility he has felt as a father:

With our religion, one of the things that is taught is that as parents it is our responsibility to teach our children correct principles and righteous principles and that if we don’t, we are going to be held accountable as parents. . . . [1] feel a very strong responsibility to live up [to] that. Now, does that mean that if a kid grows up and doesn’t follow, is that my fault? No, but it’s my job to teach that kid the correct things, and—hopefully, you know, in our religion we believe in agency, that every person has the right to choose for himself the path that they [want]. . . . But it’s our job to present the correct and righteous principles so that they will know right from wrong.

Nadia and Lee’s efforts are in some ways exemplary. However, no life is without its challenges. Lee works in a maximum-security prison that at times feels to him to be almost saturated with “pure evil.” Lee expressed his strong desire that his home sharply contrast with his work setting:

There is enough bad influence out there in the world. There are plenty of people and media and whatever that can lead our children astray—can lead them to a place that we don’t want them to go. And there is enough of that out there that we don’t need to have it in here in our home, within the walls of our home. The walls of our home should be a sanctuary.

Prophetic Counsel for Challenging Times

President Nelson’s address in April 2018, the conference immediately preceding the unveiling of a home-centered, Church-supported approach to worship, revealed an awareness of the multifaceted challenges that families like Lee and Nadia’s face. Specifically, President Nelson stated, “I am . . . not naive about the days ahead. We live in a world that is complex and increasingly contentious. The constant availability of social media and a 24-hour news cycle bombard us with relentless messages. If we are to have any hope of sifting through the myriad of voices and the philosophies of men that attack truth, we must learn to receive revelation.”

As foreboding as some of this message is, it is not the whole message. Hope and light abound. President Nelson also emphasized that in spite of the difficulties, we need not despair. He emphasized:

I am optimistic about the future. . . .

Our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, will perform some of His mightiest works between now and when He comes again. We will see miraculous indications that God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, preside over this Church in majesty and glory. But in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.

My beloved brothers and sisters, I plead with you to increase your spiritual capacity to receive revelation.[3]

The foundational and preparatory work for some of the Savior’s “mightiest works” may be laid by families (like Lee and Nadia’s) who strive to make their home a sanctuary from the world.

We return to the model illustrated by the Savior to Peter as addressed at the outset of the last chapter. Again, the Lord’s words to the man who would become Cephas, “the Rock,” were “I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren” (Luke 22:32).

Individual and family study and worship are pathways to joyful gospel living because when we worship God personally and together, we can experience a fulness of joy (see 3 Nephi 17:20), as Jesus did when worshipping the Father with ancient American families following His Resurrection. Studying the teachings of Jesus alone or with others is a pathway to joyful gospel living. As the Savior said, “These things have I spoken . . . that your joy might be full” (John 15:11).

In this chapter, we heard ideas and encouragement from a diverse array of members of the Church of Jesus Christ. We heard the initial and ongoing conversion story of Lee, who went from being a directionless and troubled teen to becoming an imperfect but diligent pillar of faith in his home, ward, and stake. We heard from Nadia, including her conviction that Sunday School and seminary alone are not enough and that foundational individual and family study in the home are essential. Finally, we heard the voice of the Lord’s prophet of the present warning us of challenges ahead but optimistically urging us to strengthen our faith and to deepen our conversion. May we continue to do so, “that [our] joy might be full.” In chapter 6, we turn to another source of joy, family Sabbath observance.

Questions to Encourage Contemplation and Conversation

1. If you could give one piece of advice to a person or family who is struggling with the new home-centered, Church-supported approach to gospel learning and Come, Follow Me efforts, what would it be?
2. What counsel or advice shared by members in this chapter did you most appreciate? Why? How might you apply their advice in a helpful way?
3. Nadia, who served as an early-morning seminary teacher and a Young Women’s leader in her ward, expressed her opinion that even her best efforts “will not be enough” for most of the youth she has taught, unless they are getting significant foundational gospel teaching at home and through their own personal study. Do you agree? What are the implications for your life if she is correct?
4. Lee, who works in a maximum-security prison, said, “There is enough bad influence out there in the world. . . . We don’t need to have it in here . . . , within the walls of our home. The walls of our home should be a sanctuary.” How can your family make your home less like the world and more like a sanctuary?
5. President Nelson has said, “I am . . . not naive about the days ahead. . . . If we are to have any hope of sifting through the myriad of voices and the philosophies of men that attack truth, we must learn to receive revelation.” How does this direction relate to your life? How does it reflect a keen awareness of families like Nadia and Lee’s—and yours?

Creating Opportunities for Revelatory Experiences (CORE)

1. What intentions do you have to enjoy personal revelatory experiences?
2. How can you and your loved ones encourage each other’s revelatory experiences?
3. What personal and relational activities might encourage your own revelatory experiences?

Notes

[1] Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Quotes,” Goodreads, .

[2] All names are pseudonyms to protect identities.

[3] Russell M. Nelson, “Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives,” Ensign, May 2018, 96.