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In this chapter we focus on revelatory experiences in the home and how to facilitate them for various family members. As in chapter 1, we explore insights from the scriptures, from President Nelson and other modern prophets, and from social science research interviews and surveys we have conducted with individual members and families from around the United States. Again, our aim is to highlight and celebrate both personal and familial worship efforts designed to connect us with and more deeply convert us to the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, through the Holy Ghost.

Insights from the Scriptures

As discussed in the previous chapter, the process of parents communing with God and then teaching their children has been present from the beginning. Indeed, it is so prevalent in Adam and Eve’s story in the scriptures that we would like to say a little more about it. Exploring the example of Adam and Eve as recorded in the first twelve verses of Moses 5 is instructive. Verse 1 tells us that Adam and Eve labored together in supplying life’s necessities by tilling the earth. Verses 2–3 report that Eve and Adam bore children who, in turn, bore children of their own. So our first parents were also our first grandparents.

In verse 4 we learn that “Adam and Eve, his wife, called upon the name of the Lord, and they heard the voice of the Lord . . . speaking unto them” (Moses 5:4; emphasis added). We find this verse particularly interesting and instructive since the use of them informs us that the first recorded human communion with the Lord following the Fall and expulsion from the Garden of Eden was a shared revelatory experience.

The next verse tells us that God “gave unto them commandments, that they should worship the Lord their God, and should offer the firstlings of their flocks, for an offering unto the Lord” (Moses 5:5; emphasis added). Again, the repeated use of plural pronouns (“them,” “they,” “their”) makes it clear that the Lord was in a sacred revelatory relationship with both our first parents (and first grandparents) and that they were having shared revelatory experiences from the beginning.

Moses 5:6–8 records that, as commanded, Adam built an altar, offered sacrifices, and then experienced an angelic visitation. Next, verse 9 tells of a personal revelatory experience when the Holy Ghost bore record to Adam of the Father and the Son and the Redemption. Verse 10 tells us that “in that day Adam blessed God and was filled” (presumably with the Holy Ghost) and that he prophesied “concerning all the families of the earth” about the blessings that came from the Fall, his love of God, his joy in the gospel, and his hope of seeing God in the flesh. Verse 11 records that Eve “heard all these things and was glad,” and then she also spoke of the blessings of the Fall—having seed, knowing good and evil, the joy of “our” redemption, and eternal life. The next verse tells us that “Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters” (verse 12; emphasis added).

As parents and grandparents in the last days, we can learn much from the first twelve verses in Moses 5. Together Eve and Adam had profound shared sacred encounters with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. They also had personal revelatory experiences that they soon shared with each other. They rejoiced together in the Lord and in the doctrine of redemption they received. They shared their experiences with their posterity, and they recorded their sacred revelatory experiences so that “all the families of the earth” could know about their first parents and their sacred encounters with the Lord. Adam and Eve were clearly equal and active partners in seeking to commune with God, to share their personal sacred experiences with each other, and to share those revelatory experiences together with their posterity.

Another scriptural account that addresses shared revelation as well as deep and lasting conversion in a home and family setting is offered by the experiences of many men, women, and children during King Benjamin’s address at the temple. While chapters 2–5 of Mosiah include marvelous doctrine about a range of issues, here we focus on those verses that tell of the shared spiritual experience enjoyed by many Saints: “And it came to pass that when they came up to the temple, they pitched their tents round about, every man according to his family, consisting of his wife, and his sons, and his daughters, and their sons, and their daughters, from the eldest down to the youngest, every family being separate one from another” (Mosiah 2:5).

Note that each extended family was in a tent (some tents must have been quite large) and that every family was gathered separately. “And they pitched their tents round about the temple, every man having his tent with the door thereof towards the temple, that thereby they might remain in their tents and hear the words which king Benjamin should speak unto them” (Mosiah 2:6). The fact that each family gathered together to hear the words of their prophet-king fits with the profound gospel doctrine that families are the fundamental unit of eternity and of the Church of Jesus Christ. Note that each family arranged their tent so that the door faced the temple, allowing them to view the house of the Lord and to hear the word of the Lord. One way to understand this spatial ordering is that families can strive to arrange and literally orient themselves in ways that open them up to things sacred, including sacred revelatory experiences.

King Benjamin gave a timeless address in which he repeated the words of an angel whose message centered on the life and atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Following his address, King Benjamin noticed that all the people had fallen to the earth (see Mosiah 4:1). The reason for this fear and submissive prostration to the earth was then recorded:

And they had viewed themselves in their own carnal state, even less than the dust of the earth. And they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things. . . .

And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the Spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy, having received a remission of their sins, and having peace of conscience, because of the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ who should come, according to the words which king Benjamin had spoken unto them. (Mosiah 4:2–3; emphasis added)

After they had heard or read the words of the angel reported by King Benjamin, a spiritual outpouring occurred. Mosiah attributed this conversion to “the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ” (verse 3). Mosiah chapter 5 provides more information about the conversion experienced by all those who heard or read King Benjamin’s words:

And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually. . . .

And it is the faith which we have had on the things which our king has spoken unto us that has brought us to this great knowledge, whereby we do rejoice with such exceedingly great joy. (Verses 2, 4; emphasis added)

In the two previous extended quotes from Mosiah, we used italics to emphasize (a) the plural pronouns and (b) the portions of the verses that mention the transcendent spiritual experiences the congregation had. This sacred revelatory experience was both personal and shared in a family context. It was personal because each person felt the love and power of God in his or her own mind, heart, and spirit. It was shared because these people were together in the same place and time when the Spirit was poured out on them all.

The shared experience enabled the listeners to know that what they personally experienced was not imagined or a purely personal experience but rather a profound, powerful, and eternally significant shared revelatory experience. They then knew for themselves that God lived, knew them, and could fill their souls with His love and mercy. This kind of personal transformative spiritual experience is the birthright of every person throughout history, across cultures and languages. It is a pearl of great price to be sought and treasured.

Likewise, in homes individuals can have personal sacred experiences, and families can experience the power of God’s love together. The Savior’s words “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20) can be understood in the context of any gathering of disciples of Christ, including in homes, temples, chapels, and classrooms.

Insights on Revelatory Experience from Prophets and Apostles

Near the end of his life, the Prophet Joseph Smith stated, “I don’t blame anyone for not believing my history. If I had not experienced what I have, I could not have believed it myself.”[1] Joseph Smith was a person whose prayer of faith opened the heavens. If someone with such strong faith could admit that his story sounded unbelievable, then we should be very careful about what we expect others, including our children, to believe without the benefit of personal spiritual experiences of their own.

Note that Joseph said he “could not” (rather than “would not”) have believed it. Perhaps Joseph needed the kind of proof that can come only from personal experience. In some ways, personal spiritual experience is the ultimate form of evidence. In the words of Joseph, “I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it” (Joseph Smith—History 1:25).

While many of Joseph’s revelatory experiences were given when Joseph was alone (for example, the First Vision and the appearances of Moroni), many were given in the presence of others, oftentimes scribes, and there were times when others shared the revelatory experience with him, such as the vision of the three degrees of glory shared with Sidney Rigdon (see Doctrine and Covenants 76). These examples suggest how important it is to structure our family life—especially the religious aspects—in ways that are more likely to facilitate family members having spiritual experiences that can lead to deep and lasting conversion.

In an April 2021 general conference address, President Nelson stated, “To do anything well requires effort. Becoming a true disciple of Jesus Christ is no exception. Increasing your faith and trust in Him takes effort. . . . Faith takes work. Receiving revelation takes work.”[2] The veil that separates us from the realities all around us may be pierced with a combination of faith in higher things, intellectual and spiritual humility, obedience to eternal laws, purity of heart, patience and long-suffering, and patterned spiritual practice that is unique to each person, place, and time. The lasting blessings that accompany opening the door to the Savior, inviting the presence of the Holy Ghost, and receiving knowledge of eternal realities from our Father are worth the required effort. Obtaining a knowledge of truth is personally expensive—it costs us sacrifice, effort, and obedience (see John 7:17). Truth is not called the pearl of small price.

Parents, grandparents, and other family members can assist family members by facilitating the blessing of personal and interpersonal revelatory experiences that contribute to personal conversion. When family members (a) seek their own personal revelatory experiences, (b) share those experiences with family members, and (c) take time together to seek revelatory experiences, lasting personal conversion is more likely to occur.

In one of his first general conference addresses to the Saints after being sustained as prophet, seer, and revelator, President Russell M. Nelson emphasized the importance of personal, spiritual, and revelatory experience:

One of the things the Spirit has repeatedly impressed upon my mind since my new calling as President of the Church is how willing the Lord is to reveal His mind and will. The privilege of receiving revelation is one of the greatest gifts of God to His children. . . .

Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. . . .

. . . In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.[3]

President Nelson’s teaching about spiritual survival in “coming days” is consistent with words spoken by Elder Heber C. Kimball:

To meet the difficulties that are coming, it will be necessary for you to have a knowledge of the truth of this work for yourselves. The difficulties will be of such a character that the man or woman who does not possess this personal knowledge or witness will fall. If you have not got the testimony, live right and call upon the Lord and cease not till you obtain it. If you do not you will not stand. . . . The time will come when no man nor woman will be able to endure on borrowed light.[4]

One experience with the Spirit will not be enough—we need the constant influence of the Holy Ghost. In a later conference talk, President Russell M. Nelson said, “For many years, Church leaders have been working on an integrated curriculum to strengthen families and individuals through a home-centered and Church-supported plan to learn doctrine, strengthen faith, and foster greater personal worship.”[5] President Nelson’s three stated purposes for this plan and curriculum were to (1) learn doctrine, (2) strengthen faith, and (3) foster greater personal worship.

In an address titled “Come, Follow Me,” President Nelson specifically emphasized the need for personal experiences with God: “Put yourself in a position to begin having experiences with Him. Humble yourself. Pray to have eyes to see God’s hand in your life and in the world around you. Ask Him to tell you if He is really there—if He knows you. Ask Him how He feels about you. And then listen.”[6]

In his book The Spirit of Revelation, Elder David A. Bednar taught important principles about a shared process of experiencing revelation:

A fundamental principle of revelation is that it is “scattered among us.” As we participate in a ward or family council, everyone in that council is responsible to be “anxiously engaged” (Doctrine and Covenants 58:27), share impressions from the Spirit, and contribute to a shared revelatory process. If individuals feel safe and can give voice to some of their questions, concerns, and uncertainties in a class, in a family, in a council meeting, and in a variety of other settings, then they participate in a collective expression of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ that invites and entices the Holy Ghost to be the teacher.[7]

Among the “variety of other settings” that can result in what Elder Bednar calls a “shared revelatory process” are family gatherings such as family prayer, home evening, family scripture study, and family mealtimes. When family members “share impressions from the Spirit” and “contribute to a shared revelatory process,” they are engaging in revelatory and relational processes that can bless individuals, couples, and families with the sweet “fruit of the Spirit” that the Apostle Paul said included “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance” (Galatians 5:22–23).

In an “Evening with a General Authority” online training session for Latter-day Saints involved in the Church Educational System (CES), Elder Bednar emphasized that all Latter-day Saints who have been confirmed and are trying to keep their covenants “are living in revelation.” That is because those who have received the gift of the Holy Ghost are promised that the Spirit will be a “constant companion” if they keep their covenants and that they can “always have [the] Spirit to be with [them].”[8] He stressed that while people tend to think that they need to do something special or follow some formulaic behaviors to get ready to receive revelation, they would be better served by remembering that revelation is being poured out on them continually and that they can constantly be in revelation.

Based on these recent apostolic teachings, we use Elder Bednar’s phrase “revelatory experience”[9] to refer to those times when we more fully recognize that we are receiving revelation rather than to all times when we are receiving revelation. In other words, since revelation is always available to us and is always being poured out on us, revelatory experiences are when we become more aware of that constant revelation. For us, Elder Bednar’s teachings harmonize beautifully with the Savior’s words to His ancient disciples that “lo, I am with you alway” (Matthew 28:20) and with His words to His disciples in 1832:

The light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not; nevertheless, the day shall come when you shall comprehend even God, being quickened in him and by him.

Then shall ye know that ye have seen me, that I am, and that I am the true light that is in you, and that you are in me; otherwise ye could not abound. (Doctrine and Covenants 88:49–50)

Eternal Families Deserve Shared Revelatory Experiences

In the 150th Semiannual General Conference of the Church, President Spencer W. Kimball said,

From the beginning, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has emphasized family life. We have always understood that the foundations of the family, as an eternal unit, were laid even before this earth was created! . . .

Oh, brothers and sisters, families can be forever! Do not let the lures of the moment draw you away from them! Divinity, eternity, and family—they go together, hand in hand, and so must we![10]

Additionally, the Gospel Principles manual teaches that “the family is the most important unit in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Church exists to help families gain eternal blessings and exaltation. The organizations and programs within the Church are designed to strengthen us individually and help us live as families forever.”[11]

Mention of “eternal blessings” and living as “families forever” points to the holy temples that offer these transcendent blessings. Of the temple, the Bible Dictionary states, “It is the most holy of any place of worship on the earth. Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness.”[12] Temples and homes are sacred for several reasons, but one vital reason is that they are places where revelatory experiences can occur for individuals and families. President Russell M. Nelson stated, “We hope and pray that each member’s home will become a true sanctuary of faith, where the Spirit of the Lord may dwell. Despite contention all around us, one’s home can become a heavenly place, where study, prayer, and faith can be merged with love.”[13] When individuals and families strive for their homes to become sanctuaries of faith, the Lord can pour out personal and interpersonal revelatory experiences that will bless them and help them be a blessing to other families.

Spiritual Fires and Personal Conversion

In one account of the First Vision, Joseph describes not only “a pillar of light” but also “fire,” although “nothing consumed.”[14] In a BYU Studies Quarterly article discussing Joseph’s accounts of his First Vision, Professor Kathleen Flake reported,

All four of the . . . accounts of his first vision convey sense impression, not merely words or mental impressions. They emphasize his having seen a great light, as great as and even brighter than the sun at “noon day” and as a “pillar of flame which was spread all around.” The light “rested upon” him and bathed the world in a fire that did not burn, but “filled [him] with the spirit of god.” . . . When the pillar of light or flame appeared, it expelled the darkness.[15]

Joseph’s experience bears similarities to another fire witnessed millennia earlier by Moses. For both prophets, the experience of the fire or burning ignited the beginnings of a new life, a deepened personal faith that inspired millions of others. President Joseph F. Smith said:

By the whisperings of the still small voice of the spirit of the living God, He gave to me the testimony I possess. And by this principle and power He will give to all the children of men a knowledge of the truth that will stay with them, and it will make them to know the truth, as God knows it, and to do the will of the Father as Christ does it. And no amount of marvelous manifestations will ever accomplish this.[16]

Social Science Support for Scriptural Truths

We now shift from sacred to social experience and research. Anthropologist Barbara Myerhoff not only studied but experienced and immersed herself in the lives of aging Jews for the last decade of her life before cancer prevailed. Myerhoff offered the summative wisdom she gained in a volume titled Number Our Days and included the following narrative from a Jewish man named Shmuel, who explained to her,

When the great Hasid[ic leader], Baal Shem Tov, the Master of the Good Name, had a problem, it was his custom to go to a certain part of the forest. There he would light a fire and say a certain prayer, and find wisdom. A generation later, a son of one of his disciples was in the same position. He went to that same place in the forest and lit the fire, but he could not remember the prayer. But he asked for wisdom and it was sufficient. He found what he needed. A generation after that, his son had a problem like the others. He also went to the forest, but he could not even light the fire. “Lord of the Universe,” he prayed, “I [can]not remember the prayer and I cannot get the fire started. But I am in the forest. That will have to be sufficient.”[17]

In Shmuel’s report each generation loses something. Reading this three-generation tale reminds us of Jeffrey R. Holland’s haunting statement: “This Church is always one generation away from extinction.”[18] Perhaps each generation, even each member, needs its own revelatory experience with the “fire in the forest,” or else a day will come when the hopes, prayers, and fire from the previous generations will not “be sufficient.”

Indeed, one vital consideration in deepening conversion and strengthening faith is personal spiritual experience. If a person only hears about other people’s experiences of a “burning bush,” the “Spirit of God” burning “like a fire,”[19] or a spiritual fire in a sacred grove but does not personally experience the warmth and light of revelation from God, he or she may not be fully converted. Hebrews 12:29 states, “For our God is a consuming fire.” Personal experience with the love and power of God can consume our sense of profound spiritual loneliness, our own personal sins and weakness, and our lack of purpose.

Support for this idea comes from social science. In Jana Riess’s recent book-length study focused on millennials who are (or were) members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Riess notes the shared features of millennials who continue to identify as Latter-day Saints:

The successful transmission of a religious identity is based on a combination of three indispensable elements: orthodox belief, an accepted code of behavior, and . . . transformative religious experience. This third category is paramount if rising generations are to fully inhabit the faith of their parents. In other words, the “secret sauce” of religion as a core identity has to include not just the shoulds and shouldn’ts of belief and behavior, but also a palpable sense that a devotee has personally encountered the divine.[20]

The kind of “transformative religious experience” that Reiss refers to in which someone “has personally encountered the divine” is crucial to initial and deepening conversion. We find it fascinating that prophetic teaching, social science research, and scriptural accounts all seem to point to the importance of parents having revelatory experiences, sharing those experiences with the next generation, and facilitating ways for their children and grandchildren to have their own personal and shared revelatory experiences.

We believe the principles and practices explored in this book can help both parents and grandparents consider ways they can encourage and facilitate personal and interpersonal revelatory experiences among their children and grandchildren. Elder Bednar taught, “If members of families, as they come together, would think in terms of ‘I’m preparing to participate in a revelatory experience with my family’ . . . I think we would prepare and act much differently.”[21] When an Apostle of the Lord suggests that family members prepare and act much differently, it suggests he is inviting more than minor tweaks in current practices. We believe that parents and grandparents can and should counsel together and seek inspiration about how they might better prepare for and act in regular family gatherings in ways that are more likely to facilitate personal and interpersonal revelatory experiences. When one feels the power and influence of the Holy Ghost, one learns of realities beyond what can only be seen with physical eyes, heard with physical ears, or felt with mortal flesh.

This feeling of personally encountering the divine and developing a deep “relationship with God” is supported by many of the diverse but faithful persons we have interviewed in depth. Aisha,[22] a Muslim mother, said:

There is one thing that I want to say to people: “Let no man get between you and God.” Your relationship with God is so important, we shouldn’t let anyone hold us back—not even friends, or a husband, or a sister or brother. . . . We get stuff in our own time. We walk at a different pace. We can’t be looking at people who are not as far along as us and judge them. They’ve got to come at their own pace. However, I need to make sure nothing gets between me and God.

Similarly, an African Methodist father named Rashaad said, “I just want to say that God is real. He’s not a figment of your imagination. He’s real. . . . He lives . . . and we’re all God’s children.”

Rashaad’s point was reiterated and expounded on by a Christian mother who said,

God is someone who is alive and real and wants to be a part of our life, not just an abstract idea but a person—a person who is interested in us and who knows us and loves us and wants us to be in a relationship with Him. When you get to that point, when you realize that He cares about you as a person and that He’s real, someone who’s here even though we can’t see Him—[when you grasp] the reality of Him loving us beyond what we can now understand—that is the beginning [of a different kind of life].

Spiritual Experiences: Insights from the Homes of Faithful Families

Many of the families of diverse faiths that we interviewed allowed us onto their “sacred ground” and shared spiritual experiences that made a difference in their family relationships. For many families, spiritual or even transcendent experiences during challenges reportedly offered deeper meaning not only in family relationships but also in their relationships with God. A Latter-day Saint husband and father named Jake said:

Having kids and becoming a father has helped me understand what my Heavenly Father must feel and go through watching me. You . . . would do everything for your kids if you could . . . [but] there are times that you can’t . . . and [they need to] learn from experience. . . . When [my son] was sick, I felt how our Heavenly Father must feel whenever one of us is sick. . . . ����’s . . . made me appreciate what being a loving father is like. ����’s made me appreciate that aspect of God as a father and the sacrifice He made for His Son to come to earth. I can’t imagine what that was like.

Sometimes spiritual experiences during adversity might appropriately be called “the refiner’s fire.” Such experiences, though painful, sometimes deepened family relationships, as reported by Hal, a Latter-day Saint father of a prematurely born child:

It was certainly a . . . humbling experience . . . to realize that no matter what we do, it [could be God’s] will . . . that [our] baby may not live. . . . [Knowing] there was a greater power who was . . . mindful and underst[anding] helped me to just trust . . . that even if our baby died, that was not the end, that we [would] see the baby again. . . . Looking back, I am grateful for that. It made me a stronger person. . . . It made our family stronger.

When her husband was near death, a Latter-day Saint woman named Lynette recalled,

I just remember sitting there in the hospital room thinking, “I’m too young to be a widow.” . . . [The bishop] . . . showed up, and . . . I literally saw the power of heaven descend. I tell you, it was just amazing. . . . I think it made us stronger together and just really made us appreciate life a lot more.

Another Latter-day Saint parent, following the loss of a child, said, “It was . . . an experience that . . . really strengthened our faith and . . . brought us closer together.”

For many diverse but exemplary families we have interviewed, times of greatest trial sometimes yielded the deepest spiritual experiences. Faith often enabled individuals and families to navigate trials and profound challenges in ways that strengthened rather than weakened them. Similarly, Alma 62:41 mentions both hardening and softening in response to war:

But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, . . . and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.

It appears that when faced with adversity, we can choose to humble ourselves and turn to God for succor. We can choose to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47), since, as King Lamoni taught, “[the Lord] has given us a portion of his Spirit to soften our hearts” (Alma 24:8). Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, “Partaking of a bitter cup without becoming bitter is . . . part of the emulation of Jesus.”[23]

Spiritual experiences also came in ordinary settings. Other relational actions—smaller, everyday decisions—were also framed in sacred language by the diverse families we interviewed. One Latter-day Saint woman’s spiritual experience moved her to see her husband as God “saw him”:

[I had this strong feeling that] I had to be patient and try not to be too judgmental . . . to see him again the way that Heavenly Father saw him, . . . that Heavenly Father was very pleased with the efforts that he was making, was happy that [my husband] was trying to make the right decisions, and He didn’t expect him to be perfect from the beginning. The Savior taught us to love each other as we love ourselves and to be kind to each other, to be charitable. That has been an important part of our marriage, to try to follow these teachings.

Another spiritual and relational experience stimulated by the hassles of the “everyday” was shared with us by a young Latter-day Saint mother named Rachel:[24]

I was a mother of three young children, living in a five-hundred-square-foot apartment in a new city, my husband working an accountant’s busy season during a dark, cold winter. All three children were home with me all day every day for the time being, as we homeschooled kindergarten and preschool and chased a toddler. I love my work as a mother, but during this season I was fatigued and found my patience strained—especially around bedtime.

I stuck to a strict bedtime routine of PJs, teeth, toilet, a story, prayer, a lullaby, and in bed by 7:00. At that point in the day, even the best day, I was done—worn out physically, mentally, spiritually. I needed to shut the kids’ bedroom door, pull out the Ben & Jerry’s, and block out anything “kid.” And that’s what I did for a while. After all, I’d done all the things a “good mom” was supposed to do all during the day.

But the children continually snuck out of bed with excuses. All the usual ones: drinks of water, bathroom, to see what I was reading or watching. “Why can’t I have ice cream too? Where is Daddy? When will Daddy come home? I’m bored. I’m scared. I’m not tired.”

Things continued to get harder that winter, particularly with one child. I could feel the tension between us building to the point of blowing up. I began to earnestly seek a solution to the stress of that last part of the day, sensing it set the tone for a lot of the feeling in our home. I read blog articles, and Google told me I was already doing all the “right” things to set up bedtime to be successful.

One evening I had a thought to read a time when Jesus loved the children. I opened to 3 Nephi, looking for the time when Jesus blessed the little children and angels surrounded them. I’ve always loved that part. As I was scanning the pages, my eyes alighted on a section that seemed to be marked, though there was no red underlining. I read where Jesus had been with the people all day, teaching and ministering. He announced that it was time for Him to go, but He would return the next day. As He was about to leave, the people began to cry. They looked at Him “as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them” [3 Nephi 17:5]. He looked at them, and He was moved with compassion. He told them to bring all their afflictions to Him, and He would heal them in His mercy.

The Spirit, who had highlighted those verses for me, sunk deep into my heart the answer to my question of how I needed to mother beyond the 100 percent I was already giving. My children were begging me to “tarry a little longer,” and I needed to give just a little more. It seemed like a big ask at that time, when I was so weary. The Spirit had never steered me wrong before, so I had to trust that this example of Christ’s was one I must follow.

The next night I put the children to bed as usual and told them I would be back in ten minutes to talk to them each individually. I returned after a short shake-off of the day. I knelt by each bedside in turn. There I took a few minutes to call the child by name, stroke their hair, chat about the day, pray with, and give an extra-long hug to.

As I continued this for a few nights, then weeks in a row, I noticed a change in the mood during the evenings. There w[ere] less whining and fussing delays during the bedtime routine. The children didn’t need to come out as much after the extra few minutes I spent with them. Most importantly, I noticed that during the day my relationship with the child who needed me most was improving. We had more patience for each other.

The Spirit guided me to the right place at the right time for the benefit of all the children in our house—me as well as my little ones.

Rachel’s experience of being moved and instructed as a young mother by the Savior’s actions in 3 Nephi to “tarry a little longer” with her children seems to embody the counsel of President Nelson when he said, “Make time to study His words. Really study! If you truly love your family and if you desire to be exalted with them throughout eternity, pay the price now—through serious study and fervent prayer—to know these eternal truths and then to abide by them.”[25] Rachel studied, prayed, received the truth she needed, and then strove “to abide by” that truth.

Camilla,[26] a Latter-day Saint single adult in her thirties, recalled a spiritual experience that was familial in context. Speaking of sacred moments, she said,

The experience that sprang directly to mind is from one particular family home evening. I remember sitting on the couch, each member of my family all around me in the seats they always sat in, the piano across the room. The wooden armrest of the couch was worn smooth. I don’t remember if we were singing or reading or discussing, but I remember the feeling of hollowness in the pit of my stomach, tightness in my chest, and loss. It took me a few minutes to identify the feeling—I was homesick. When I realized what I was feeling, I was confused. How could I be homesick when I was literally at home, surrounded by my family? A thought came to my mind that I was homesick for heaven. I was safe and loved and surrounded by family, and that was what heaven was like.

While on this earth, we are all, like Abraham, a stranger in a strange land. At times, especially times when we feel the Spirit most strongly, and thus when the veil between heaven and earth is particularly thin, we can feel even more out of place here in this mortal existence. When our heavenly home beckons to us in the midst of our own happy earthly home, we can share with our fellow family members that we are all on a sacred, eternal journey back to our heavenly home and encourage each family member to try to be helpful to each other along this covenant path.

As we reflect on the small collection of revelatory experiences recounted above, we see that some are personal and some involve other people; some arise from profound challenges, and some arise from the everyday or mundane; some involve formal worship, study, or prayer, while others emerge from the rhythm of life. Each of these accounts reflects an interpersonal revelatory experience in the sense that the person was willing to open up and share deeply personal sacred experiences with the person he or she was speaking or writing to. Perhaps opportunities to find the fire of “deep and lasting conversion” are available in an array of life experiences. One of our BYU students recently wrote in an assignment,

I was raised in a highly religious environment, and “rigid” is a good way to describe the way religion was carried out in the home. Since my siblings and I are now grown, it is difficult to watch as two of my brothers struggle with the teachings of the gospel and following the Savior in their lives. I know my parents were trying their best with the knowledge and understanding they had, and it is unfortunate that the outcomes have been less than perfect. I want to learn from past mistakes and ensure that my future family improves on what I experienced in my childhood. . . . In the article [we read for class], one particular mother expressed her concerns with teaching her children and the pressure she felt with that responsibility. She then expressed, “The mistake I have made in the past is trying to teach something that has to be experienced,” and my thoughts began to understand a missing link my parents demonstrated. They had come to know through experiences and feelings that the gospel of Jesus Christ is real and true, and instead of ensuring their children had those same feelings, they got caught up in the preaching and teaching.

In essence, there was a lack of experience with the Spirit. That experience with the Spirit is the true beauty of the gospel. The basics of the gospel, such as family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening are important habits to form, but if children are not leaving those sacred moments feeling and experiencing something with the Divine, then those practices could be a waste of time. I would daresay those parents could have been better off not to have the rigid discourse in the first place. . . . I want to create a legacy of consistency and obedience with my family.

However, I hope to remember that it is not necessarily the lengthy sermons or the specific wording that is being taught, but the importance resides in what is going on in the heart of my children. I think this can be achieved when short, powerful messages are shared and as the Spirit has the opportunity to come into their hearts. Potential ways to help children feel and experience could be to ask questions such as “What are you feeling? How does knowing Jesus loves you make you feel?” I think it is a blessing to listen as sweet children of God begin to articulate what it is like to experience the gospel rather than simply learn about it.

Reflecting on these revelatory experiences from a diverse array of individuals in varied life circumstances, we note the following commonalities:

1. Focusing on relationships helped yield personal revelatory experiences by providing extra motivation to receive revelation, insights into who God is, and motivation to repent and restore harmony after family conflict.
2. Faith often enabled individuals and families to navigate trials in a way that strengthened them rather than weakened them. Successfully enduring challenges together often yielded both personal and family revelatory experiences by giving families a reason to rally together and rely on the Lord.
3. Personal and family revelatory experiences often brought strengthened family relationships.[27]

Joseph Smith found the fire of the Spirit in the forest. He experienced the gospel as well as a relationship with Him who is the Giver of the Gospel. In the next chapter, we will see that faithful personal study and worship are among the most important ways that we can put ourselves in optimal position to begin having our own experiences with the unquenchable flame, the Light of the World.

Questions to Encourage Contemplation and Conversation

1. When have you “experienced” God, and how can you facilitate such experiences again? How can you help your family members and loved ones desire to have similar revelatory experiences?
2. There are many ways that we may experience personalized versions of “the fire in the forest,” such as worshipping in the temple, serving others, engaging in deep study and prayer, and witnessing births. What are your approaches? How do you keep the fire alive?
3. Have there been times when you have experienced the refiner’s fire? How did you change? Have you maintained or built upon those changes?
4. Like Rachel, the young mother who was impressed to “tarry a little longer with [her children],” have there been everyday or mundane challenges in your life that have led to rich spiritual experiences? If so, have you recorded them and shared them with your family?

Creating Opportunities for Revelatory Experiences (CORE)

1. What intentions do you have to enjoy personal revelatory experiences?
2. How can you and your loved ones encourage each other’s revelatory experiences?
3. What personal and relational activities might encourage your own revelatory experiences?

Notes

[1] Joseph Smith, “History, 1838–1856, volume E-1 [1 July 1843–30 April 1844],” p. 1979, The Joseph Smith Papers, https://www.josephsmithpapers.org/paper-summary/history-1838-1856-volume-e-1-1-july-1843-30-april-1844/351.

[2] Russell M. Nelson, “Christ Is Risen; Faith in Him Will Move Mountains,” Liahona, May 2021, 103.

[3] Russell M. Nelson, “Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives,” Ensign, May 2018, 94, 96.

[4] Quoted in Orson F. Whitney, Life of Heber C. Kimball (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1967), 450.

[5] Russell M. Nelson, “Opening Remarks,” Ensign, November 2018, 8; emphasis in original.

[6] Russell M. Nelson, “Come, Follow Me,” Ensign, May 2019, 90.

[7] David A. Bednar, The Spirit of Revelation (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2021), 58; emphasis added.

[8] David A. Bednar, in “An Evening with a General Authority—David A. Bednar Discussion,” Called to Share, April 10, 2020, YouTube video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGfGtYFZ6jA.

[9] David A. Bednar, in “Panel Discussion” (worldwide leadership training meeting, November 2010), broadcasts.ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

[10] Spencer W. Kimball, “Families Can Be Eternal,” Ensign, November 1980, 4, 5; emphasis in original.

[11] Gospel Principles (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2009), 36.

[12] Bible Dictionary, “Temple.”

[13] Russell M. Nelson, “Closing Remarks,” Ensign, May 2019, 111.

[14] Steven C. Harper, Joseph Smith’s First Vision: A Guide to the Historical Accounts (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2012).

[15] Kathleen Flake, “The First Vision as a Prehistory of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” BYU Studies Quarterly 59, no. 2 (2020): 59–72.

[16] Joseph F. Smith, in Conference Report, April 1900, 40–41.

[17] Barbara Myerhoff, Number Our Days (New York: Meridian, 1979), 112.

[18] Jeffrey R. Holland, “That Our Children May Know” (Brigham Young University devotional, August 25, 1981), 4, .

[19] William W. Phelps, “The Spirit of God,” in Hymns (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1985), no. 2.

[20] Jana Riess, The Next Mormons: How Millennials Are Changing the LDS Church (New York: Oxford University Press, 2019), 21; emphasis added.

[21] Bednar, in “Panel Discussion.”

[22] All participant names are pseudonyms to preserve anonymity.

[23] Neal A. Maxwell, “Apply the Atoning Blood of Christ,” Ensign, November 1997, 22.

[24] Name used with permission.

[25] Nelson, “Come, Follow Me,” 90.

[26] Name used with permission.

[27] We are indebted to Justin Hendricks for these three insights.